Baby Bryan Blog

such a tease.

2011-06-02T12:47:00.000-07:00

here is a teaser from the shoot.. this is as far as I have gotten.

ISAIAH LAMONT BRYAN
APRIL 30, 2011
11:10 PM
8 POUNDS 4 OUNCES
21 1/2 INCHES LONG

what I know now..

2011-05-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day about all the Lord has taught me after my long 4 1/2 year journey Adam and I have been on and I thought it was important to speak it.

What I know now is that the Lord is faithful.
The Lord is gracious. He is gracious to all my mistakes and I can rest in that.
The Lord loves ME. This was one lesson he really worked on me with. For so long I was so works centered and didn't understand how I deserved his great love when I wasn't reading my Bible everyday or doing hour long Bible studies. He loves me just as much when Im sitting on the couch watching TV as he does when Im worshiping him in the shower. He loves me NO MATTER what. What a relief to know it, believe it and trust it.
The Lord is trustworthy. This was a huge lesson I had to learn. I never REALLY had to trust the Lord before. I always "trusted" Him but during this journey I had to. There were many decisions Adam and I made with my health that didn't make sense in our worldly view, but we trusted that it was his leading and he knew WAY better than we ever will. Praise Him for that!
The Lord cares about me. This goes along with Him loving me but when I think of Him caring for me I think about His arms around me when Im balling my eyes out, I think about Him crying next to me and looking me in the eyes and feeling my pain. That has been such a comfort when I felt like no one understood my situation.
The Lord is GOOD. I learned that He is not out to punish me, hurt me, or just watch me struggle. He has a purpose for all and that He was allowing me to be put through this a reason and for His good.
The Lords voice. I am still learning this one but I have had to distinguish His voice from the enemies. The enemy did and is still trying to destroy what the Lord has done by trying to make me believe his lies. He makes me so mad.

I have seen so much fruit from my journey. It has been difficult to say the least, wearisome, lonely at times, depressing, and just plain annoying. BUT if I hadn't gone through it all I would not have learned forgiveness, compassion, endurance and patience. I cringe saying it but I would go through it all again to get where I am today. Lets hope thats not the case.

He has been so faithful to us and a huge example is Isaiah's birth.
If you read in the last post I was a complete mess when it came to going to get induced with him. The morning of the induction I woke up at 5 and could not for the life of me go back to sleep. I was shaken with way too much adrenaline. We had Grandpa Mayes funeral, which was way too emotional, beautiful and special, that morning. Right after his burial we headed to the hospital. About 3 o'clock I was given half a dose of cervadil (sp?) By 5 o'clock I was stating to feel slight contractions but they really were light and I could have labored like that all day. Asher flew in that afternoon and so she was able to come straight to the hospital and help calm my nerves :)
About 9:30 pm we decided to break my water because I was still progressing but it was still pretty easy. Within 10 minutes of having my water broke things intensified by 10. I was immediately discouraged by the pain and knowing how long I was in labor the Josiah I didn't think I could get through it naturally again. It was too much. I seriously thought about getting an epidural but I could not have even sat up to get it if I wanted one so I was stuck doing it naturally again. The one thing that got me through each contraction was picturing going in to Josiah's room in the morning and him saying "hi, mommy". Its my favorite part of the getting him :) It helped to remember what I was doing this for.
A little bit before 11pm I was ready to push and the first time they checked me I was still at 7, talk about ANNOYING! By 11 though I knew there was no holding him him so THANK THE LORD I had progressed to 10. When the pushing started a huge fear came over me because now was the time we were going to find out if he was going to get stuck or not. I think I pushed during two contractions and he popped right out and was born at 11:10pm. Dr. Box said that his little hand was right up next to his face and all she had to do was grab it and he came out perfectly. She also told my mom that she had been praying all day that he would have a hand up. Praise the Lord! It was such a testimony to our prayers throughout the pregnancy.
I was able to hold him right away and that was an amazing feeling. He ended up being smaller than the doctors were thinking. I was so overwhelmed after his birth that I couldn't help but raise my hands and just praise the Lord. I just kept saying thank you, Lord, thank you. He is so good.
I am thrilled to have it all over with and I feel so loved by the Lord that he allowed it to go so smoothly! I mean I went from having a 26 hour labor to a 7 hour labor where I only really "labored" for an hour and a half! WHAT?! Yes please.
Wow so I am apparently long winded today. Forgive me.

I will be uploading images from our little shoot soon. I just need time to edit them :)

2011-04-29T11:08:00.000-07:00

pretty much I am a nervous wreak. I wake up with butterflies throughout my whole body. To know how to make them go away would be fabulous. I was not this nervous with Josiah and I can tell you I DO NOT like knowing the day I am going into labor. Not a fan.

I just keep trying to talk positively to myself and it has been a good lesson in trusting the Lord even in the case of my labor. He is in control.

I cannot wait to meet this sweet one.

2011-04-27T17:21:00.000-07:00

well it looks like the time has come..

Saturday at 2 Adam and I will be going into the hospital to be induced. I hate that word. It makes my teeth hurt.

Here is the back story. With Josiah's delivery he got really stuck while I was pushing and if I had not gotten him out with the last push she was either going to have to break his collar bone to see if that helped or we would have had to do an emergency c-section.

The Lord was good and he gave me the strength and Josiah the right position to get him out in time. SO because of this my OB is concerned with this one getting stuck. We have been very leery at trying to induce out of the fear he COULD get stuck so we have been waiting and didn't want to make any decisions. Well we went in yesterday to do a weight ultra sound and it looks like this little one is close to 8 11 so far. Josiah was 8 6.6 so he is trying to pass his brother up already! Needless to say Adam and I have an odd peace about this, so we will go in and trust the Lord will allow this baby to come healthy, strong and will not get stuck.

We have a wonderful doula that will be with us during this and I dont think either of us would want to go down this path if we didnt have her to back us, support us and keep the nurses at bay :)

I am definitely more anxious about this labor than I was with Josiah. I still had the naiveness of not knowing the pain your body can actually go through. This time I am dreading it. I am just ready to get it going so I cant think about it anymore. I want to hold this little one in my arms and move onto the next stage. (though I dont want to give my sleep up, of course)

2011-04-06T15:55:00.001-07:00

things Josiah loves.

josiah is in love with fixing things with daddy. If you tell him something is broken he automatically says "daddy"!

another thing he loves is his cars. his thing is to line them up on this table. He is very methodical about it.

so this was the first time I had taken him out in the snow. sad, I know. Needless to say he wasn't sure what to think about it.

and he REALLY didnt like it when he fell down and got snow on his hands.. heaven forbid. he was done.

I think he could play outside all day with no toys and be very content. it makes my heart melt watching him out there.

once again "copying" daddy with his tools.

and he LOVES his vacuum.

he could have us do this all day too...

Are you kidding me with that face?!!!!

2011-03-31T16:36:00.000-07:00

my sweet Josiah.

you are going to be two this month and I am blown away. I think I tell daddy everyday how I don't want you to get bigger and grow up. I love you just as you are.

You have been waking up some during the night and if I go in I will find you have gathered your blanket and EE and you say 'rock rock' and point to the rocker. You love rocking, I think its your first stand of procrastination.

You loving singing 'mamama' and 'daddy' over and over. No sounds have ever been so sweet. I remember when all I wanted was to hear you say my name, and now I get it sung to me. This week you have just started sleeping with a big boy pillow and it is the cutest thing ever. I will just stare at you in the monitor and gush over you.

You now love holding my hand as well. Mostly when we are driving in the car but you will want to hold my hand sometimes when I am putting you down at night. How can you deny that? Its adorable. On top of that you also love having your back and tummy rubbed when being snuggled. It melts my heart.

Anytime you get into daddy's truck you always want to drive it. He will put you in his lap and let you 'steer' while we are in a parking lot and you just laugh and squeal. It is such a wonderful sound.

I am so excited for the summer to come when we can get in the Jeep because that is another new obsession of yours. As soon as daddy comes home you always ask him about his 'beep'. We will be driving down the street and anytime you see a jeep you will yell 'beep!' I cant believe you can distinguish them.

I am so excited for yet another year with you. Our world will be turned upside down in a month with your new brother. You are going to be so loving to him and I cant wait to see you two playing in the backyard together!!

You will always be my first born and my little boy.

no poo.

2011-03-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I came home from Asheville and I think I am fighting a chest cold. I needed to go grocery shopping today, BUT because I am feeling too bad I got online to make my menu instead.
Well I definitely get sucked into health blogs, which is what happened today. It makes me want to start eating raw, organic and totally healthy. Here is the problem, most of the recipes look so gross. I am not into beans, lentils, oh or chocolate chip hummus, (supposed to substitute cookie dough, yea right)

Anyways, I did run across a post that struck my fancy AND I think I could try it. I think I am going to try it and hopefully all goes well :)

Check it out on Nourishing Flourishing about no poo. (doesn't that make you want to go check it out?!)

I also found this that made me think about the way I grocery shop. Not sure how I am going to make it work for us.. but good info.

Oh and I havent forgotten about pictures of the house. I need to get them taken, thats on my list of things to do this week. So hopefully I will get better soon and I can get off the couch. :)

purpose.

2011-03-24T13:24:00.000-07:00

It has been on my heart lately to be a parent with purpose. Now that idea used to overwhelm me and even make me feel like a complete failure. But lately it has given me something to strive for. I want to know that maybe the house is not always perfect, or I might still be in my pj's (which NEVER happens) but at least I know I will be instilling the love of Christ in Josiah and he is learning about Him. My latest goal is to find creative ways to celebrate easter that directs the focus to Christ rather than just giving him eggs filled with.. not that there is anything, I love my candy.

In saying that I have been very interested in the how aspect of that and here are some blogs I have found lately that have given me some good ideas. Now I have to say I have not done anything yet, but I am in the preparation stage. If you have any other ideas or blogs, let me know.

Impress your Kids

I can Teach my Child

Treasures from the Trenches

2011-03-21T18:08:00.000-07:00

I have not forgotten to upload images.. I just have had a couple days set-back. Adam and I ended up coming down with food poisoning for the first time.. so not fun. On top of that I was supposed to host a bridal shower that day.. boo. So they ended up still coming over and my mother-in-law hosted for me. Not the way I had thought it would go.. but thats life. Now I am busy packing to head down to Asheville for Asa's third birthday. Lord willing nothing preggo wise goes wrong on the way down or up. Josiah and I are very excited for the trip. Maybe not the 8 hour trip but....

Bring it on.

im alive.. and 8 months pregnant.

2011-03-16T18:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, I cannot believe how quickly I fell off the blogging wagon during this pregnancy.

Anybody still out there?!

We have been busy with baby number two on the way, moving into a new but outdated home and trying to train up and love on Josiah. Josiah's 2nd birthday is coming up at the end of next month and I cannot believe it! So of course I have been a little excited about planning his party, while keeping it low key seeing I am due a week afterwards. No biggie.

Here are some ideas I have come up with for the party:

I thought this would be fun to make and be able to use for every birthday.

I am for sure going to attempt to make this cake.

so this is more of a gift I want to make for him, an alphabet book. Here is a free download for it.

Okay.. back to my inspiration. I love just having fun colors for his party. I was going to do a vintage sock monkey party but I wanted COLOR!

I think for food I am going to do Josiah's favorite snacks. Oh how I love planning parties.

Well I am going to try to keep on blogging. Forgive me. I would like to get up some before and after pictures of our house for everyone that doesn't live here!!

Soon.

who me?

2010-11-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

wow. I cannot believe it has been over 3 months since I have been on here! There has been so much going on in life and to top it off I am 14 weeks pregnant with our second baby!!!
We are so excited but it has been a rough couple of months for me and I am so ready for the nausea to be over and Im ready for my appetite to return..

Man, there is so much I could ramble on about where would I even start? We put our house up on the market last Friday and no joke it made me cry. We love our house and this is where Adam and I met and the first home together and where Josiah came home to. But we will make new memories in a new home but its hard. The past couple weeks Adam has been working his butt off putting in new wood floors, tile in the bathrooms and many more dinky jobs around the house to spruce it up and the house looks fantastic!

I am hoping to start back up blogging again and I will be getting Josiah's 18 months pictures up here soon :)

a battle is raging..

2010-07-26T19:11:00.000-07:00

So I mentioned a blog a couple posts ago that I haven fallen in love with. Well tonight I was reading it once again and it is such a blessing to me. It is interesting that in almost all of her posts they have answered or cleared up questions/things I have been wrestling with. I believe God has a wonderful way of guiding us, answering us through others and Im so thankful.
One of the things I have been really dealing with is the idea of God healing me of my hormone imbalances without any outside help of the doctors. Its not that I think doctors are bad or wrong but we have been down that path at the beginning of this whole journey and the further we went the more we didn't have peace with it. It also didn't help that they were not really getting us anywhere.
I have made two appointments with a new doctor to talk about getting on bio-denticals to somewhat "end" this and each time I have canceled the day before because of complete unrest with the idea. For me I came down to the conclusion I would be doing it out of fear of my future of I didnt get my hormones balanced and complete weariness of this situation. I am learning that is never a good reason to do anything and though it might not be the quick fix, I will depend on the Lord.
Its funny how the Lord will work. I went through a crazy 'high' time when it seemed like he was constantly surprising me, inspiring me, teaching me and reassuring me that I was on the right track. Not so much right now. I know he is just as present but sometimes I question what is purpose is for all of this. Is his will to heal me or do I need to surrender that idea and bury that hope. That is where I get stuck these days. I am sensing he wants me to surrender this all to him and trust that even is I am never healed there is still a purpose AND TO BE OKAY WITH IT.
I have to be completely honest, the idea of surrendering it to him freaks me out! My hormones have been getting worse and I am feeling less like myself again. That is SO discouraging!! I mean I am 24 and I think I am having more hot flashes than my mom these days. Im not supposed to know what one of those feels like for another 10 years!
His ways are better than I can imagine and so I will continue to trust him. I thought this was so good what Amy wrote on her blog and thought it was interesting..

In time He gave me greater revelation about the vision I’d had with the dark figure. Nestled within it was an important message – the sickness was NOT from God, as though an affliction to be submissively carried with God’s sovereignty in mind. The sickness was a plan from the enemy. And if I wanted to see the mighty hand of God move, I “had to know who God was, I had to know His promises.” There was a battle to be won. And just like in the vision, I had to stand firm!! So instead of dwelling on theological arguments about healing and hearsay of other’s experiences, I decided to go straight to the Bible and just believe what it said. This is just a sampling of what I found.

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. Luke 10:19

If you will listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in his sight, obeying his commands and keeping all his decrees, then I will not make you suffer any of the diseases I sent on the Egyptians; for I am the LORD who heals you. Exodus 15:26

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:4

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases. Psalm 103:3

Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. Psalm 91:9-13

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

And these signs shall follow them that believe; in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents, and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover. Mark 16:17,18

Okay well I think I have rambled enough and ho knows if anything even makes sense. (one reason it is not good to write at night) I will be getting up at 2:30 this morning to head to the airport..

yes, thats right. adam and I will be leaving for Jamaica and I am DEVASTATED to leave Josiah. I dont know what to do with myself. I miss him already. Have a great week and I will be back next week!!

better late than never..

2010-07-23T19:05:00.000-07:00

so Im not sure when these are from but how cute is he?!! are you kidding me?!!

these are so way due but hey..

this was on our way to Asheville and no, he doesnt like waking up.

asher and I got sister tattoos. thats right. we got 'sister' in Italian. yes, it hurt like anything else.

2010-07-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

I am a lover of blogs, as you may know.

One of my favorite photographers just started a personal blog of hers and I have fallen head over heels for it. If you want to get hooked on a blog that is just starting out this is one for you.

You must read her about section on the blog to get a little insight on what she is going through.. its amazing the strength God can give someone in such tough circumstances. Praise Him for He is so faithful!!

Please hop on over..

and here is her husbands blog if you want another good blog.

and here is an image from Josiah getting his first big boy hair cut by grammie.

thats right, he's 15 months now going on five.

more images to come.

2010-07-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

My friend posted this on her blog and thought this was wonderful and so true!!! Its a must read for all parents thinking their kids are "persistent".

One area of parenting that we will concentrate on a lot is "training the badgers." [Image]These are the children whose plight it is to try and change your every direction, decision, and guidance through a series of badgering.

Common synonyms: to nag, harass, pester, constantly question, or irritate.
The common excuse many parents give for these children? "They are so persistent" (said in a somewhat flustered tone, yet desperately trying to convince themselves that persistence is good and that surely if they label this tiny badger aspersistent that some good has to come out of it right?)
But, persistence is not the underlying positive characteristic. The underlying characteristic is a foolish heart (Proverbs) that is unwilling to submit to authority that God has placed over them to wisely govern and direct them.
A child badgers when he asks his parents for something and doesn't get it upon his first asking. The problem in the scenario of this tiny badger is not the badger himself, but the parents. A parent gives their answer to a question and a child continues to ask, or better yet, phrases the question differently every time to try and "disguise" their disobedience by continually asking. This often goes unchecked and the parent remains continually frustrated and exhausted from all the badgering. If a child is doing this, it is apparent that sometimesit works, which is why they do it. If a child learns that they NEVER get what they are seeking by badgering, they won't badger. The parents either train them to badger, or train them not to badger.

The big underlying question: who will be the most persistent in adhering to their side of the conflict? The parent or the child? If it's the child, you have just begun to train a badger.

The biggest problem in giving your child an answer, having them badger, and then you changing your mind, is that you are sending the complete wrong message. The child does not see the answer as a result of their parent's wisdom and discernment, and role of authority in their life, but rather, they see the answer as being a result of their badgering. Therefore, they don't come to understand that their parents give answers and requests based on what is right and what is good for them. "No parent can have the truest respect of a child, while the child knows that he can badger that parent into compliance with the child's request, contrary to the parent's real or supposed conviction" (H. Clay Trumbull).

Sometimes a parent answers a child's request too quickly, without all the information. The child begins to badger and after they get all the information the parent realizes they did not have all the necessary information and decided to change their mind. You are still training a badger. Again, the child feels his badgering won you to his side, not the fact that you changed your mind based on your own good judgment of the situation (whether you tell them that or not).

So how to alleviate that?
Do your thinking before you give an answer Make sure you fully understand the situation before you answer Question the child if necessary to get more information before answering Make sure that you know all you need to know to give an answer that your child accepts as final, the first time Follow through on requiring that your child does not badger you. This has to happen every single time.Children love a good gamble... if they've gotten away with it once, they will try and try again knowing it's possible to get away with again at some point.

the fourth.

2010-07-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

okay so bear with me I am about to bombard you with A TON of images.. and this isn't all of them.. these are my select choice :)

Adam and I's favorite holiday right now if the fourth of July. Every year his side of the family gathers over at his aunt and uncles and we have such a great time with everyone.

One thing I LOVE about Adam's family is it is BIG and so we thought we should document it, thanks to Jen :)

I think this is about everyone...right?forgive me if Im forgetting anyone.

here are all the girl cousins and cousin-in-law

guy cousins and cousin-in-law

guys cousins and uncles

girls cousins and aunts

okay so now all these images are from the 5th of July.. I decided I was going to pick up the camera and just shoot Josiah, something I don't do enough.

Here is what I got..

and here is us at the carmel parade..he did SO well, sat there the whole time and enjoyed it :)

we ran into adams cousin a couple times that day.. yes we were "stalking the" ;)

he has learned to get on his horse all by himself. He even can stand up on the seat. Such a proud moment for him.

adams beautiful cousin Jeri

okay so he LOVED the fireworks and I was thrilled. this was the highlight of my night.. i mean look at his face!!!!

this one got a little out of order.. opps.

the blahs

2010-06-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

this pretty much explains how I feel today.

(driving down to asheville)

more to come.

training.

2010-06-21T17:09:00.000-07:00

It has been one of those days. All I can say is I am now sitting here with a glass of wine and some homemade fudge chilling in the fridge.

Oh boy. I have been reading To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl and it has been a huge eye opener. THIS IS A MSUT READ FOR ALL PARENTS ( and it is short)!!!!

It is amazing how at 14 months Josiah is already trained SO much with things that I don't want him to be trained in. Yes, so we are now trying to re-train him that no, every time he sees the diaper bag he does not have to whine and fuss thinking I will give him his "treats". This is one of many. It just makes it rough sometimes. They talk about how it is so important to train your child so that you don't always have to resort to discipline. I love that idea. It just can wear on you because if you are not 100% consistent it wont work. I have been only about 70% with him and that is where are problems start.

Long story short I am tired but I do see some progress. He has started signing "please" and "more" this past week. So cute. I love it. We have started making him sit down on the kitchen floor to eat his snacks and so it is the most adorable thing to tell him to sit down and he just plops right down. Are you Kidding me?!!! I love that boy.

I will be uploading some new images soon. Stay tuned.

Thanks for listening to me.

enjoy your night and maybe a glass of wine.

yellow rooms and daydreams

2010-06-08T19:53:00.000-07:00

We leave for Asheville tomorrow! I am so excited to see Asher and the kids :)

I am sitting here at 10:30 at night listening to the sweet boy screaming. He has always been a great sleeper and the only times he wakes up there is a good reason. Well not tonight. He has been up and is just mad we wont let him stay up.. what gives? I think he knows we are going to travel tomorrow and he's too excited to sleep, like I used to be the night before Disneyland. Thats for sure it.

Just so you know I am so in the mood to re-decorate my house like crazy. I think I need to go to bed so I wont think about it. We got a desk tonight that was Adams grandpa's and I am so excited to have it! IT needs some love and I would LOVE to paint it yellow. Adam, not so much.. he wants to refinish it which would work too. Maybe I just need to paint something yellow. I dont really care what.

Okay so this isnt yellow but I love the frame design and I want this over my bed. yes please.

Well Josiah is down and I think Im going to head to bed. I will be catching up soon when we get back!

hair TRIM

2010-06-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

I thought I had uploaded these.. although a little late here are his hair TRIM pictures! Most of you probably wont even be able to tell a difference.. that was my goal. He just had a few pieces in his eyes ALL the time and so Adam wore me down :) It turned out great and sadly I am already hearing trim talk again from the other half. We will see. I want him to be my little surfer dude. Yes, I realize we live in Indiana.

One year.

2010-06-05T11:49:00.000-07:00

Check out our photography blog for a couple of Josiah's one year pictures!

Wiphan.

2010-05-30T18:20:00.000-07:00

I just found this on a woman's blog that went with Asher on the trip.. watch the videos. I love it and it brings tears to my eyes to hear Asher's voice :)

Check her blog .

Plunge.

2010-05-30T17:59:00.000-07:00

Oh how I have missed blogging. I keep thinking about it but this week has gotten away from me. My friend Jess, from high school has been visiting this week and it has been good. We have not seen each other since my birthday 3 years ago. I cannot believe it!
My list of "to-do's" is getting longer as each day goes on. I feel like the summer is already flying by too quickly. Asher has left for Africa and will be there until June 5th. It was so good talking to her before she left. We talked, cried and prayed. Yes, we are those people that make each other call the other before and after we fly somewhere. Though she wasn't able to call when she got there I have gotten some good updates and she is able to blog about her trip. If you want to check it out head on over to Sole Hope !

One thing I have been wanting to blog about is something the Lord has been working on in my life. Last Sunday I was baptized! This is HUGE for me and I never thought I would do it again as I was baptized as an infant. Here is a little bit of what I wrote right after I decided to take the plunge:

"Praise the Lord! He is so good. I cannot believe I am even sitting here saying this but I know without a doubt I am ready to be baptized again. I sit here with tears ready to well up in my eyes and butterflies in my stomach. It is 12:51 am on May 19, 2010 and I don’t think I will be sleeping anytime soon.

I have always had a harsh stance that because I was baptized as an infant I didn’t need to do it again. I don’t think in anyway that it didn’t “count” but it was not an act of faith on my part like it talks about over and over in the Bible. I want to do this as an act of faith. Saying that I am dying to my old self, one that didn’t desire Him, His word or His will. I am saying that I am choosing to follow Him and that I am a new creation in Him.

Just a few years ago I would have never even considered it. I was against the thought of me having to re-do what was done 24 years ago. But I didn’t know what I truly believed about baptism. I always said the Lord would have to work in my heart and I would only do it if it was of Him, never out of pressure from the church or peers.

The Lord has been working on and in me for the past three years, a lot. I look back on the beginning and it blows me away how far I have come, or maybe it just means I was really bad off. Over the past three or so months he has been hard-core about refining me and getting me where he wants me. I have never seen the fruit I am seeing from him and my hardships and it is such a joy in the dark times. I am seeing Him in a new light and I for the first time I delight in Him! Just in the past three days I have sat down to read the Bible just to read it! For me this is HUGE. I look forward to it and am excited to know what happens. I am hungering for his Word and what it says. Praise Him! I am learning I need to not only seek his hands for healing but I need to seek His face. I need to seek Him for a relationship despite whether he chooses to heal me or not. I desire for Him to inhibit me and encompass all that I am.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, God-loving husband. He has been so supportive of me and journey. He has prayed with me, cried with me, loved on me, counseled me and sat with me. He supports me when I am weary and cannot go any further. He carries my burdens with me. Thank you Lord.

I see what I have been missing all these years.. I see that I was off in my thinking and my way of falling in love with my Lord. I kept Him at an arms length and allowed myself to govern my life. I am so excited to see our relationship grow. I am excited to stand in front of my church family and as an act of faith and an outward sign of what has happened in my heart be submerged in the water and come up and take my first breath of a new person, a new me and a new creation. "

There is my heart. I have been so excited to share it.

I plan on doing Josiah's one year shoot (well more like 13 1/2 month but who's counting?!) this week. I have been so bad at getting it done.. like I said time is flying. Off to make my grocery shopping list. Enjoy your evening!

2010-05-24T15:45:00.001-07:00

lots to tell.

stay tuned, wish I had time to write.

true beauty.

2010-05-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

I sit here listening to the wind blowing the canopy on our deck and the birds chirping and I LOVE spring. I love being able to have the windows open and know that I am no longer stuck inside!! Praise the Lord. I had an amazing spiritual moment last week I have been dying to share and I had it ALL blogged up last week and gotta love the trusty computer.. it crashed and lost my blog entry.. of course. So here I am re-writing it, not because I think it is the most significant thing in the world but because it encouraged me and I hope it might do the same for you.

Over the past two years I have had a constant prayer, that the Lord show me what true beauty looks like and to show me what he finds beautiful about me. Well last week I was getting ready for the day and once again could not find anything cute to wear (why is that?!!) so I uttered the same prayer I have been praying and didn't think anything of it. I so often equate what Im am wearing and how I look in it to my beauty and my worth. Well about an hour later I was driving over to Christina's when I heard a small voice almost like I was just talking to myself whisper "It's your spirit I find beautiful." Thats it. Simple and sweet. Words from the Lord. He had been working on my heart with this very thing for the past few weeks and so when I heard it it hit me. I had heard it so many other times in life and this time I finally got it. Praise Him! I am devoted to now start working on my spirit and who I am in Christ instead of being so focused on eating right or working out enough to TRY to drop some weight. He apparently doesn't want me to loose it right now, and I think I am finally seeing some fruit form it. I think one of the biggest things is being okay with who I am when I am not skinny enough to fit into my cute silver jeans. Its tough. Especially when you are doing everything you can do to get better. But he is good and he WILL heal me. I truly believe it. It is just when..

So please do something for me today, look at yourself in the mirror today and find one thing that the Lord finds beautiful and try to see it and believe it for yourself.

happy mothers day to me! How sweet is this boy?! I love him so much and could not see life without him.

this picture makes me teary eyed.. I don't know why, it just does. maybe its because I know how much she loves them.

the bright side.

2010-05-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

I ran across this video the other day on a wonderful blog and it made me stop and realize I could be dealing with so much more and was so impressed with this precious women and how she is dealing with her circumstances. PLEASE take a few moments to sit back and watch.

ps. I have not forgotten about the pictures I need to upload nor have I forgotten about reposting the blog that got lost.. I just feel I am of little words today so I am going to bask in that and relax.

just sayin'

2010-05-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let you know that I wrote a REALLY good post and then blogger messed up and erased it. Dang it. So I will hopefully get on and re-write it all later.. just thought you should know. I had good attempts! I will also be uploading some images from Mothers day and Josiah's first hair trim.. NOT a haircut :)

egg whipped pancakes.

2010-05-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

THIS IS OUR 100TH POST!

this is oh so exciting for me :) I am trying to get back on the blogging bandwagon so you better watch out! Im gonna blog you out of this world. So yesterday I made a dairy free pancake for lunch and topped it with almond butter and pomegranate berry jam. Very good. Now I have to admit that the pancakes deff. had a different texture (more airy and fluffy because there was whipped egg whites as the base) They were not fantastic alone but once you smothered them with love and jam you couldnt really tell the difference.

Anyways Josiah went to his one year appointment this morning and he is 30 inches, 19 pounds and he has two teeth coming in! So proud.

Check this blog post out:

I found yet another food blog.. now this one is just down right good, yummy but maybe not AS healthy as some of the other blogs. But I ran across this post and with some tweaks I could make it work for me.. how yummy does this look?!!! To me this screams summer.

Enjoy and eat one for me with extra sour cream please!

goat cheese pizza.

2010-05-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

Okay so I was craving pizza this week and because of my being off of dairy it made it difficult because to me you cant have a good pizza without CHEESE! I love my cheese. But I have become a huge fan of herb and garlic goat cheese. So I took a wheat tortilla wrap with 8 net carbs and slathered it in goat cheese (trust me its good!)

I then spread some pizza sauce on it

we had some aging tomatoes in the fridge so I sliced them up and put those on as well.

I love mushrooms so of course I had to throw some on there :)

I then topped the pizza off with some extra salami we had laying around.

to make everything better you have to put a little oil on it to make it crispy.

and here is the finished product. It was VERY tasty and look forward to making it again very soon.

coconut creamer.

2010-05-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

So Im off of dairy for 10 days. I only have less than a week left and it really has not been that hard. You just have to think about it a little more. BUT one thing I am missing right now on this dreary Indiana saturday is my heavy whipping cream to put in my coffee.. oh just the thought of it. Until then Ill try to enjoy my coconut milk creamer, good but not the same.

Enjoy your saturday. Adam is working hard today at some side jobs so Josiah and I are spending the day missing him :)

I will leave you with a recipe for pancakes I am going to try tomorrow for brunch!

Ingredients:

1/3 serving So Delicious plain coconut milk yogurt (57 grams)

1/3 cup rolled oats

1 whole egg + 2 egg whites

1 TBSP coconut flour

1 TBSP flax seed meal

1/8 tsp baking powder

few drops vanilla extract

few drops maple extract

cinnamon

1/2 ounce chopped macadamia nuts

1 TBSP Artisana coconut butter

Directions: Combine yogurt, rolled oats, egg, coconut flour, flax seed meal, baking powder, vanilla and maple extracts, and cinnamon. Allow flax to thicken the mix while you whip the 2 egg whites until white stiff peaks form and then chase your dog around the house in an attempt to retrieve the coconut milk yogurt container. Fold whipped egg whites into pancake batter. Fry pancakes on griddle over low heat and drop chopped macadamia nuts into cakes before flipping. Top with coconut butter, more cinnamon, and macadamia nut dust (I chopped the nuts in my Magic Bullet, hence the dust).

Sisters, garden raising and superman.

2010-04-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

asher bought Josiah a pair of batman PJ's with a cape and everything for his birthday! Asa already had a superman pair so OF COURSE we had to put them in theirs together!!

our new garden bed!! Kaleb was gracious enough to come over and lend his muscle and expertise to help get it going.. we are still needing to plant everything which we are hoping to do this weekend.

okay so Asa thought this was a fun thing to do. He was putting on the shoes that Asher was having donated and then dragging another bag along... oh boys will be boys :)

it was so fabulous having my sister and Quinn and Asa here! We miss them and cant wait to see them in a month or so!

Josiah's First Birthday!

2010-04-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

if you cant tell his color for the party was RED. I love it and so I went all out on the balloons (not all shown..ekk)

pimping your cupcake was on the menu as wells as"homemade" lemonade..

we also had regular popcorn, chocolate covered popcorn, hot dogs and cookies.. yes please.

aren't these popcorn holders SO cute? Adam and I had a big discussion if this and the hot dog holders were a good use of our money. I made sure he knew it was. How else would we hold out hot dogs?!

I also put brown paper on a table out back with crayons for the kids to draw on.. it mostly ended up with a ton of icing.

So Josiah is weird with food. He is not always a big fan and he had never had any kind of sugar so I wasnt sure how he would fare.. I ended up having to shove a little on his face to get a good picture.. he kinda cared about it but not really.. lets just say there was no fuss when it was taken away.

he liked the candle A WHOLE lot more.

yes, he was showing Josiah how excited you should be about a cupcake..

Here are just a few images of the day. It was so fun and I cannot believe it is now past.. The weather was nice and sunny but was definitely too windy, but I was bound and determined to have it outside!! Our little guy had pink eye that day and was breaking in a tooth! What a poor thing. AND it looks like his pink eye has come back!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I hate seeing anything wrong with him and I know I need to get over it because this is only the beginning.

heather eats almond butter.

2010-04-28T11:20:00.000-07:00

WAIT ON THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART.
PSALM 37:4

OH MY GOSH do I have a lot to update.. I am pretty sure I have Josiah's birthday, asher visiting and well my lasting ranting about life. I haven't even uploaded Josiah's pictures yet due to that fact I have being hostess to my sister and her two sweet kids for the past week in a half (and yes, I loved every minute!)

Needless to say though I didn't get a ton of things accomplished. I will be playing catch up so until I get the images from the party I dont want to talk about it but all I will say is he is ONE and the party was perfect. (a little less wind would have been wonderful though)

In Josiah news as well he has has FINALLY broken through his first tooth day after his birthday. It still has a ways to go but it is there and it is so tiny and cute. He is also a full tie walker. He started of and on in month 11 but I would say about two weeks he made the switch. Its so cute because when he gets tired he turns into a drunken sailor and cant stay up on his feet. This week he has also started saying daddy. I dont know if he has fully connected the word to Adam but hey he is at least saying it. Still no Mama though.. he's saving the best for last. About two or three weeks ago he started saying uh-e anytime he would drop something and it was so adorable and now he has moved into a mature uh-o. How they grow up so fast.

Lets see this catching up thing is work on the brain.. I did just go yesterday and I got my hair chopped off and I LOVE IT! It is so nice and I have been wanting to do it for awhile now. The sad thing is have been growing it out for the past TWO years and I still never made my goal. But I hated it being long. SO there.

SO today is starting a 10 day dairy free challenge. I went to a massage therapist last week who is AMAZING and right away she said she could tell that I was really bloated from dairy (which I am in LOVE with) she said sometimes peoples bodies just don't absorb dairy and will just sit in your body.. hmm. So I will try it.. what the heck it doesn't seem as daunting as going vegan. I was a little apprehensive about it at the beginning but then I ran across this blog and it got me really pumped up to try it. I want to be more adventurous in my eating and not be so lazy when it comes to it. I want to think that hot cereal wth almond butter is a good dessert. Maybe one day. Until then I will be wise with my eating and stay away from dairy. Thank the Good Lord for Coconut Creamer, butter and ice cream!!!! (all things I cant wait to try)

I will leave you with a recipe I am excited to try.. enjoy.

Averie's (Raw if You Want) 3-Ingredient, 10-Minute Vegan Peanut Butter Cups
1/2 c melted chocolate (i.e. 2 Full-Size Squares of Melted Baker's Brand Chocolate because it's dairy-free, or melt 1/2 c Chocolate Chips, or a Cocoa Powder/Agave/Coconut Oil Mix)

2 Tbsp Peanut Butter
1/2 Tsp Nooch (i.e. Nutritional Yeast)
Yields: 2 Peanut Butter Cups. Intentionally a very small recipe, feel free to mass-produce.

First, melt your chocolate (Raw Foodies, use whatever ratios of raw cocoa powder, agave, & coconut oil suits you to keep it raw). I use the 45 seconds in the microwave trick and melted about 1/4 c worth, which is 1 Baker's Chocolate Full-Sized Square. (You'll melt the other square later).

Then, take paper muffin liners and Pour the Melted Chocolate in, just coating the bottom of the liners.

Mix up the Filling
2 Tbsp PB + 1/2 Tsp Nooch
Optional: Dash of Salt, Dash of Agave, Dash of Vanilla Extract. This is to your taste and highly subjective, so do as you wish friends, but I think my version is quite Reese's-like.

If you're having a hard time getting your nooch well-incorporated into your PB, zap in the micro for 15 seconds.

I love how the nooch actually gives the PB that barely there, ever-so-slight chunky factor like the filling in Reese's Cups is.

Spoon the Filling into the now-hardened (or somewhat hardened) Chocolate Layer

Pour more Chocolate over the Top. I melted up 1 more square now.

Transfer your cups carefully to a plate

Put them in the Fridge to Harden Fully

And look at how chilly & yummy that looks!

Unwrap & Notice the rippled or ruffled Reese's-like edges.

I normally would just make teeth marks, but I used a knife to show you theinner workings of my Vegan PB Cups.

~~Kinda~~ Highly Addictive. But the fun stuff usually is. Feel free to make a larger batch. There are lots of pics, but the whole thing took less than 10 minutes of active cooking time. You just have to let them firm up, and I bet that could happen in 15 minutes in the freezer. So, you're less than a half hour away from homemade vegan PB Cups!! What are you waiting for?

They are rich, smooth, and even more satisfying because you made them yourself. And, you can feel awesome knowing there are no yucky ingredients in them. And did I mention the pretty rippled edges. Love those.

2010-04-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

Easter Day. I will post more from the day.. this is all for now. gotta grab lunch before the little one wakes up!

2010-04-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

i have little words today.. so here are some images form david grey and the zoo. how sweet is josiahs face?! I mean come on!

2010-04-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

oh I have been having a hard time blogging lately. I dont know why, maybe its the warm weather beckoning me outside. We are dog sitting for one of Adams clients this week and the dogs have finally calmed down from playing hard. I feel like I have three toddlers in the house, but with more hair than normal :)

I have pictures to upload later from our David Grey Concert and Josiah's first trip to the zoo and his first easter. It is so fun being able to finally get out with him and experience life with him. He is getting so close to walking. He has taken three steps so far and then he realizes he is on his own and bails to a crawl. We are working on him right now with eating big boy food. He is so weird when it comes to anything thats not semi blended. This morning I cut up some banana and strawberries and he would not even touch it. I made him have at least one bite before he got his milk and you would have thought I was feeding him liver.
Poor guy.

enjoy the sun.

good times.

2010-03-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

Oh, how time flies by. I ran across this image on a CD I had stashed away in my closet. This was shortly after we met and he came to visit me down in Asheville. How young do we look?!

Yesterday turned out to be "Allies purge day" It was so wonderful, difficult, freeing and just plain good. I started going through my 4 tubs of clothing that I cannot wear anymore. I have been holding onto a lot of it the past three years in hopes of me eventually getting into them. I have come to a point in my journey where I feel like I need to stay healthy but I am also trying to accept where Im at and stop waiting on when I can get into my skinny jeans. It felt so good to purge all the stuff I know I will never get back into and that then led into me taking my closet apart at midnight and cleaned it out like it was my job and all my junk didn't have a chance. I am learning how to look past n the past with fondness but not to live in the past. A hard lesson to learn sometimes. But God is good and he is walking through this with us and being a lamp unto our feet.

2010-02-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

So I am sadly on my second round of my liver cleanse. Today is day two and I am exhausted. I am just trying to stay awake today and hope Josiah takes all his naps! I feel like a zombie. Anyways I am eagerly awaiting the outcome of this cleanse and hope it does it job. Once again I a, ready to nip this thing on the butt. Though I must admit I am going to the movies tonight with the girls and I KNOW I am going to want to get me some sour patch kids. Oh they are heaven.

But instead I will bring some almonds.. good compromise right?!!

On another note Josiah is 10 months! I cannot believe it. I know I say that every month but is is truth. Last night Adam and I stayed up watching home videos of him since he was born. Why does it fly by so quickly? But he is such a big boy and I wouldn't trade it for the world. (even on those rough days)

p.s. one month until the david grey concert. holla.

here is Adams grandparents with Josiah at one day old. Grandpa isnt doing too well and we have missed him!

updates..

2010-02-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

his new way of eating..

his new hobby.. a pianist.

his way of trying to "walk"

yes, we got to the reception early.. we were eager.

pictures are always better taken high. Dont ya think?!

and again.

we dont get out much....

us trying to strike a pose. hmm.

whose claw is better?!

we call this the "Brad Telleen" bite. he just started this two days ago.

already?!

2010-02-10T09:12:00.000-08:00

Check out our photography blog for Josiah's one year album!!!

Josiah.
You are now 9 1/2 months and getting so big! I love watching all of your new quirks. You are crawling like its your job and I cant believe how quick you are but now your new thing is to walk on you hands and feet with your little butt up in the air. I love it! You so want to walk and you are trying to figure it out. You also are testing out your balance. You have started to squat and lean on your toys and when you feel like you are steady you will take your hands off for a few seconds to test your legs out. You are getting stronger everyday and I am so proud of you.
You no longer like to cuddle before bed and nap. That makes me sad but I am hoping it is a phase. That was my only time to cuddle with you because you are so active and I cherished that time. You now squeal when we walk into your room and you see your books. You love to read. Every time I get done reading one book you look over to the pile of books and squeal again. You love sleeping with your green bean and silkie from Aunt Asher and your monkey from Char. You get so excited to see them and you shove your face in them. But of course when you wake up you decide it is a fun idea to throw them out of the crib and then look at them wondering how they got there!
When it comes to eating you crack me up! As soon as you see your food or bottle you start squealing and you will get very impatient like we have not fed you all week. You have gotten pureed food down and you enjoy it but sometimes if you get to much you will throw it up. I tried ground turkey this week with you for the first time and you got one TINY piece in your mouth which resulted to you throwing TWICE and gagging. Oh poor boy. We will work on it. You hate food with any kind of textures. You make mommy and daddy laugh.
You are so sweet to us and we are in love with you. We sometimes will turn the monitor on at night and just watch you. You have brought joy to our life we didn't know we were missing.

finally!

2010-02-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

Okay so I cannot believe I am just now uploading images from August!! Are you kidding me?!!! Well at least I am getting them up right?!!! Okay so the top images are form our quick overnight trip we took with our beautiful friends to Kings Island. Then from there on down there are snapshots of Josiah at home, the BRyan Christmas, me and my wonderful old roommate that we had dinner with while we were in Nashville. There is a little bit for everyone!! SO enjoy and I hope to keep our images up to date... geesh.

whispering sweet nothings.

2010-01-18T17:22:00.000-08:00

today while I was driving in the car on my way to go pick up some groceries I was thinking about the correlation between my relationship with God and my relationship with Josiah. I mean I know it is so cliche but its so true! I have been thinking alot lately about dealing with my health. I just keep thinking is there something the Lord wants to teach me in all of this and is he waiting for me to learn it before the true healing begins. If that is the case I have a long way to go. I dont even know what he MIGHT be teaching me. That is so frustrating. I feel so ill-equipped to be put through such a task. So back to the correlation what made me thin about it was when Josiah first learned how to stand in bed and yet he didn't know how to sit down and he would stand there and just cry there for as long as I would let him. While looking in the monitor I would just think if he would just sit down. Its not that hard and he has the ability to do it but to him it was a huge thing and he didnt know where to begin trying to sit down.

To me that might be what the Lord is saying to me. "Allie I just need you to learn this one thing" and I am standing in the crib crying out that I dont get it.

Being a mom is such a good reminder of the love the Lord has for me and how he cares for me even when it feels like he is in the next room listening to me crying.

One thing I have fallen in love with is putting Josiah to bed. It is my special time with him when he is still and will actually lay his head on me (he is typically all over the place) We have a routine of reading a couple of books and then turning the light out and rocking in the dark while I sing hymns to him. It is such a precious time to me. I know there will be a time when he is too big to be held or he just doesnt want to be but until then I will love on my boy and sing sweet words to him in his ear.

sleep tight blog world.

and life throws you a curveball.

2010-01-18T07:22:00.000-08:00

so friday night I had a photo girls overnight where 14 fabulous photography women from the indy area crowded into a hotel suite and we shared our inspirations, struggles and joys of photography. It was wonderful. I was so enjoying the time with them at the cheesecake facotry for dinner when I recieved a phone call from Adam. He had the worst news (well almost) that he had been laid off his job that day. The company just didnt have any more money to pay him. No two week notice. Just your done. They took the company car that day as well. Talk about a low blow. Now I know many families do it with just one car and I know it is possible. But when you wake up in the morning with a "stable" income and two cars and then by dinner you have no income and one car it kind of shakes you. Adam was sweet enought to tell me to not think about it for the night and to enjoy my time with the girls. I tried the best I could and I can say that I walked away with some wonderful ideas and hopefully new friendships with some awesome ladies.

Lets back up a week. We just got back from a photography conference on Tuesday and we were so pumped for where we were going to be taking the business. We havent really devoted a ton of time to photography the past year and so we havent grown just maintained. Thats our fault. Needless to say we do NOT make enough to live off of. So is this "perfect" timing to start doing photography full time? That would be so great and so much help to have Adam helping with marketing and getting our name out there. (Lets face it I am TERRIBLE at both)

Selfishly I then think about my diet and health and how can I continue with getting better when we have no money to put towards it. I know the Lord will provide but it still is hard to justify spending as much money as we have been on supplements and organic food for me when we have nothing coming in. It has made me frustrated then that I am even in this predicament. Why cant I be a normal 23 year old that can live off of mac and cheese and ramen noodles without the fear of wrecking everything I have worked so hard to fix so far.

Needless to say we are in a "valley" of life right now and we dont know which direction to go.

I feel better after venting.. thanks for listening.

and because a blogpost without a picture is boring here is one of Josiah taken by my friend Kiera.. (I forget how old he is here.. geesh)

craving?!

2010-01-07T17:29:00.000-08:00

I just made the most fabulous cup of creamy dark hot chocolate AND it is healthy.

I threw in a medium saucepan 2 tlbs. of unsweetened coco, 1 tsp. of vanilla, 1 1/2 packets of Stevia and 1 cup of whipping cream. (okay so if you are sticking to a low fat diet this might not the best BUT if you are doing a no sugar diet its heaven)

Now I do need to note it is not AS good as when its made with real sugar but when you are desperate you make it work.

I am so into thick creamy drinks and this was wonderful.

Make it.Try it + Drink it.

um yea..

2010-01-07T12:42:00.000-08:00

yes, so I am very behind on this but once again, better late than never..

Asher was sweet enough to take this while she was here over thanksgiving.

enjoy.. I'll be back. I promise.

2009-12-30T13:37:00.000-08:00

these are very typical faces of our little boy. he is very expressive.

this is his "hey!" face. love it.

yes, he loves his tv.

These are his 7 ish month pictures. All of his Christmas pictures were taken on other peoples cameras so I will be getting those up later.. you would think by us being photographers we would bring our camera places.. no instead I just keep the point and shoot in my purse and forget about it half the time.

I'll be back but until then enjoy :)

2009-12-21T12:51:00.000-08:00

God is so good. We had a phone consultation about what my new test results were. I was so scared, nervous and ready. It has been a tough month between being sick and living on saltines and sprite (SO not part of the diet) and the holidays. I feel like I have "fallen off the wagon" MANY times this month. That can be a little discouraging to say the least.

So to hear the doctor say things were improving was such a blessing! Here's the scoop:

My electrolytes went down a little but because I was getting over a sinus infection when I tested he said that isn't a cause or concern.

My body is becoming more alkaline.

My carb metabolism is the same which needs to improve but hey at least it hasn't gotten worse!

My protein metabolism has gotten better as well as MY LIVER!!! wohoo. I have been waiting to hear that one :)

And the best thing to hear is that my adrenal stress has improved.

What sweet words.

I just had to sing his praises for a minute.

In other life happenings..

we are heading to Oklahoma this week for Christmas which will be a lot of fun. Most everyone there has not met Josiah yet so I am so excited for that! Today is a day of laundry, getting last minute presents, packing, getting the house in order and try to not get overwhelmed.

So far so good.

I am bound and determined to photograph Josiah's first Christmas so when we get back I will post some goodness.

Until the Christmas rush is over. Merry Christmas!

2009-12-07T08:59:00.000-08:00

yes, I know I have been distant. It has been VERY busy these past few weeks. Between having family in town, having a terrible sinus infection that has yet to leave, christmas shopping, photography and trying to keep up with a teething baby it has left little time to blog. I hope to get back to it after the holidays because I miss it. I promise to get caught up with pictures, stories and if your really lucky some video. Until then Im off to help set up Olivia's party!

SERIOUSLY?

2009-11-18T12:49:00.000-08:00

This week has been rough to say the least. I am worn out from our journey with all the hormones, doctors, supplements, shakes, organic food and anything else. This week Adam and I have been having an ongoing conversation about gratefulness and how hard it can be to be thankful all the time. I have found myself more this week having a hard time being truly thankful. I KNOW I have a lot to be thankful for but it can be so cloudy sometimes. The enemy has a clever way of distorting things and whispering lies to me. I have had a hard time discerning my thoughts and a hard time NOT believing the lies. How frustrating is that?!! Adam and I talked last night how we need to stand on the promises of God and KNOW not just in our heads but in our hearts he is GOOD. I have been believing lately the lies that maybe he is doing all of this because he is punishing me or to test how far he can mess with me. I know this is not of God and that is not the heart of him but when you lie in a world where everyone likes to find someone to blame for something it is easy to blame it on him. Or the mentality that well if HE is the true physician and the healer why is he choosing not to heal me?! That has been a difficult question and Adam and I both believe that if he did, that if I woke up one day 45 pounds lighter, free of insulin resistance and had normal levels of hormones I wouldnt learn what he is trying to teach me in all of this.

The issue is I DONT KNOW what he is trying to teach me yet. So if I dont even know HOW can I learn. Oh geesh. Where are the days of my biggest problem was a boy I liked didnt notice me?????!!!!

I have to keep trucking along. I have to keep telling myself that God is GOOD. I have to keep my hope alive and not give up. I need to have renewed patience with this journey. This month marks 2 1/2 years of this journey. When will I be able to close this chapter? To be able to look back and say "oh remember when....?"

One day.. until then I'll take one day at a time.

a good read.

2009-11-16T17:58:00.000-08:00

I sit on the couch with puffy, tear drenched eyes. All day I have poured over Rebecca Mutz's blog. She is an extraordinary women. Adam went to school and was friends with her husband and I was introduced to their story today. It is heat breaking, loving + inspiring.. I have never been a huge follower of blogs in the sense of starting from day one to the present to catch up.. but this one was a different story. If you are a mom you will want to run and squeeze your child like I did as much as I could today.
It makes you think anout how unfair life can be but yet how sovereign our Lord is. How good he is and how he will bring joy, even if it is small, in the midst of major pain.

Here is a quick summery of one part of their life.
and here is her blog.

p.s. make sure you have a box of tissues next to you.

Being Frugal.

2009-11-12T18:18:00.000-08:00

OKAY so I found a blog that I love. I have had this new found intrigue to help us save money any way I can seeing that all my doctor visits and eating healthy can be costly. So this lady every week posts her meal plan and recipes.. if I was a bread eater I would be in HEAVEN as well. For any mothers who want and strive to make a meal plan each week before shopping like I do then you got to check it out. If anything it will get your brain working on how you can be a little bit more creative with your food :) enjoy.

another pound bites the dust.

2009-11-12T14:18:00.000-08:00

I go through spurts of being really good at keeping this up to date and then I go through spurts when I totally space it. Oh well thats life. I have had alot of people asking what happened at the doctors and what we found out.. well.. it was not as good as we {I mean I} was hoping for. I guess I was dreaming of going in and the doctor saying "I dont know how this happened exactly but YOU ARE HEALED!" Yea.. that wasnt the case. We went in and looked over my old test and new test. The new test didnt look as good as I wanted. Some things were slightly worse, which he said were to be expected after a cleanse because we have been putting my liver under more stress than normal. He decided to not put me on a cleanse again yet.. he has me now taking a shake twice a day to help my blood sugar and the same supplements. He also has me on the insulin resistance diet I was on before hand. So it is veggies, meat ( I have been staying with just chicken), and some fruit. I have lost 3 more pounds and so a total of 15 pounds in 5 and a half weeks! It makes the diet completely worth it when I step on the scale and see that. PRAISE THE LORD. So I am on this for another 4 weeks and then I go back and get retested again.

Thats an update in a nutshell. Josiah is screaming to get out of his crib. I will update more later..

REALLY?!!!!

2009-11-06T10:18:00.001-08:00

I ran across this today and it slapped me in the face with the realization that my drive and anxiousness to be my old skinny is just plain dumb sometimes. I have so many things to be thankful for and a few extra pounds shouldn't determine if I am considered beautiful in others eye. This women has gone through so much and still decides to get up everyday and endure that pain and suffering. What do I have to complain about?! that Im fat??!!.. shut up Allie.

2009-11-04T10:24:00.000-08:00

Josiah.

First off, I love you so much. I am listening to you in you crib squealing trying to go to sleep. I love that sound. You are like me where you have to take awhile to go to sleep. Now there are definitely times when you do more than squeal and yesterday was one of them but nonetheless I love you. You are now 6 months and I cannot believe it. You are halfway to being a year and that blows me away. You are now sitting up on your own really well. The only time you tip over is if Zeke or some noise you can’t see distracts you. You look like a little rolly polly when you fall. You love anything and everything you can suck on and you have learned how to scoot yourself around to get to what you need. You have the being on all fours down and you will rock back and forth but anytime you try to move you just stretch out and land on your belly. I will find you a lot of times up from your nap on all fours rocking and as soon as I come in you pick the speed up because you are excited.

You have now gotten the concept down of us leaving you. You hate watching us leave you in the crib and it breaks my heart to do it. You will be content when we put you down and you will watch us leave and as soon as the door shuts you loose it. You have also been waking up more in the night as well and we think it is just because you want us near you. You’re too sweet. You also love your silky to hold onto when you suck your thumb to go to bed.

You love looking at yourself in the mirror and if you are fussy putting you in front of it will most times cure the fussiness. You are in love with your baths and love sucking on your ducky and whale. They make bath time so much fun! You also love flailing your arms around to see how much water you can get outside the bathtub.

You are now also eating fruits and veggies. You have had so far pears, bananas and squash. Of course the fruit is your favorite.

You are not one for reading.. at least not yet. Anytime I try to read to you before bed you just get irritated that I’m not letting you suck on the book.

You are a sweet little boy with a mind of his own and a voice of his own. I don’t know where you would have gotten that from but it makes you who you are. I know we are going to have our hands full with you and your energy. You are always on. You always want to know what is going on and if you can hear it and not see it that makes you very unhappy. I think when you start crawling you are going to be much happier.

You have the cutest laugh right now where you inhale while making a noise. You love peek a boo and being tickled. Two of my favorite things to do with you.

Before putting you to bed I always pray the Lord watch over you and protect you. I thank him for another day with you. I ask him to ingrain himself in every fiber of you. I tell you I love you and that I am proud of you and sing you a song quietly in your ear. I kiss you good night and put you down.

I love you son. You are mine, forever. I hope I do you proud as I do you proud. I have enjoyed every minute with you these past six months and I am excited for the next six as well.

LAST DAY!

2009-10-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

so this is what I pull out of the fridge two and three times a day. This is what my cleanse consists of. Note: the shake is not stirred yet.. so it looks funky :)

Here is a step by step for my sweet potato chips.. MY FAVORITE!!

I first slice them into thin slices.. the thinner the better (they get crispier that way) I sometimes will then slice them into strips to be more like fries. Either way they are WONDERFUL.

I drizzle the pan with olive oil.. though I have read that using coconut oil to bake with is much better than olive oil because when olive oil gets hot it turns into a bad fat unlike coconut oil.

lay the strips or chips on pan in one layer.

drizzle once again with oil.

I will then grind sea salt and garlic over them. (pictured below)

MY FAVORITE SEASONING from costco.

set the oven to 450 and bake for about 20 min. it might vary depending on your oven.

watch until they are to your liking.. and ENJOY! this has become my lunch or a side to dinner..

PRAISE THE LORD for sweet potatoes :)

Today is my last day of the cleanse!!!! I go in on Monday to get re-tested and then we go in on Thursday to get the results. I am so anxious to go in. I am kinda scared to be on my own eating. Doing the cleanse has given me UNBELIEVABLE self control. I have NEVER had it like this before and it has become a way of like. Now that is not to say I don't have temptations but this time I know I have to ignore them and I dont have a choice. I have lost a total of 12 POUNDS during this cleanse and that makes it worth it. I dont want to stop now.. well yes I do BUT I am reaping the rewards. PRAISE JESUS he is so good to Adam and I.
Today poor Josia is sick. I dont know what it is exactly but he sounds terrible. We have a wedding to shoot tomorrow and I dont like knowing I wont be able to be with him :(
I am working on getting some images up from the apple orchard last weekend. Who know when I will actually get around to that! Enjoy your rainy Friday.

four days to go!

2009-10-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, have I done a poor job at keeping up with this.. I have FOUR more days left of the cleanse. I will then go in next week to get re-tested and we will go from there. They could either say that the test results came back saying I dont need to go through it again OR it they will come back saying I am still toxic and I need to do another round.. oh joy. As excited as I am about being done I am also kinda nervous. For the past 28 days I have been told what to eat, when to eat and now I am going to be on my own. Its kinda scary.

I have greatly enjoyed being able to eat my chicken but even that at first made me feel like I was "cheating" on my diet. I have finally gotten to a point where I can go somewhere and if they are eating dessert not loathe them. :) Now its more like " I would REALLY love some of that but I cant have any, and thats okay.. kinda."

I did tell Adam though that I want a big, greasy, melt in your mouth cheesy burger when I am done.. oh I have been wanting one SO bad. That and then dessert. But I think I will just stick with the burger. I am definitely done with this whole cleanse in the sense of having to be WAY over prepared any time we are not going to be home for a meal.. its not just let me grab a protein bar or some chips to hold me over. Its let me thaw some chicken out, cook it, cut up some onions, bell peppers and garlic and grill that up. I feel like my life now consists of cutting, grilling, eating and cleaning the kitchen.. for EVERY meal. AHHH! As of right now I have a STACK of dishes in the sink that I refuse to do right now. I need a break or a dish maid. Im thinking a break might be cheaper. I still want to post some of the recipes of the food I have enjoyed on this diet so even if you don't want to do a cleanse you could at least use some new meals! I just haven't had time to do it in between my cooking and cleaning but I will do it soon with pictures of all of it.

Until then have a wonderful Tuesday.

Josiah 6months.

2009-10-21T17:44:00.000-07:00

Our little guy is 6 MONTHS! I cannot believe it. It has flown by in some ways and in others not so much.. pretty much like the first two months.. BUT now he is a happy, VERY active little boy ready to go. He has learned how to scoot himself to pretty much anything he wants and will occasionally get up on all fours but then doesnt know what to do from there. He is definitely ready to move on his own. I am so excited for all the new stuff we will get to witness and be apart of with him. He is now talking to us a alot and especially when he is tired. I dont think we will be able to shut him up once he starts to actually talk. I think he likes to just hear himself sometimes. He has also been working on a tooth for the past couple of months and at times it makes the day VERY trying. I am ready for that baby to come in.

These past 6 months have been exciting, challenging, eye opening, tiring, confusing and wonderful. I always heard moms say " I fall in love with my child a little more everyday" and I totally get it now. Its a new love each morning. It is exciting to see him discover things and get excited to see things.. even if it is as small as his bottle. He is wonderful and I cant wait to see him grow and become the man God has created him to be.

Enjoy his 6 month pictures! He did a wonderul job and is a natural. Though if you cant tell he was WAY more interested in the leaves and trying to consume them more than the camera.. such a boy.

2009-10-21T17:40:00.001-07:00

Okay so we have started feeding Josiah some cereal with green beans (yum) and he has been so funny! He gives you a look like what the heck am I supposed to do with this in my mouth. Poor guy. I know life can be rough :)

This was his first time in a highchair and it hit me that he getting big so fast!!

DAY 14

2009-10-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

Can you say.. 1.more.pound?! This is great and Im not even working out..

I promise to actually post some pictures and words about Josiah soon.. he's getting too big :)

DAY 8

2009-10-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

1 MORE POUND.. WOHOO!

Today has been a full week since I started. I have 20 more days.. which seems like SO long. I will definitely be over veggies and rice by the end of this. I went grocery shopping yesterday and they had steaks on sale and they look FABULOUS and all I wanted to do was go home and grill it. it was pure torture. But I am doing this and committed to it so I told the steak where to go.

I think the thing I miss the most are my hot drinks. I have tried making some hot tea or fake hot chocolate and they just don't hold themselves up next to a Signature Hot Chocolate or Espresso Chocolate Truffle. OOOH yum.. just thinking about it.

So I am off to rice and veggies for lunch.

2009-10-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

Image from THE VINTAGE PEARL.

This is my NEW FAVORITE website and I would die for ANYTHING on here. If I could drop anything and start being crafty all day this is one thing I would want to do! SO fun and cute.

DAY 6 of the cleanse and I am doing MUCH better than I EVER expected. I am so blessed. I am feeling good, motivated and positive.

Tomorrow starts the 2nd phase where I up my detoxing shakes and I cut back to pretty much veggies and some rice.. who wants to come over to eat with me?! It really has not been as bad as I first thought. PRAISE THE LORD. I am hoping this is the beginning of a new journey and that we can soon close this chapter of our lives.

I am going to be posting some recipes that I have been eating that have been pretty good.. surprisingly.

I know you are so excited and wont be able to sleep tonite :)

2009-10-06T14:04:00.001-07:00

ANOTHER TWO POUNDS!!!

DAY THREE + COUNTING.

2009-10-05T13:11:00.000-07:00

Day three is almost over! It is flown by and I havent had any TERRIBLE cravings yet. Praise the Lord. We just got off the phone with a new doctor that was right on. I truly believe he is an answer to prayer. My prayer has been that the Lord bless us with someone who understands, wants to truly find a reason to all this, want to get me better and that has patience with all our MANY questions. This doctor was wonderful. He explained everything and how and why everything was happening. And the even better part is that his wife when through something very similar and she overcame. PRAISE THE LORD. To top it off he is a believer which is icing on the cake. One thing that sucked was he said I might have to do this liver cleanse a couple times. Boo. I am hoping not but I am up for about anything!
I am feeling so thankful and blessed and love seeing the Lord work in our lives especially in tough situations.
One wonderul report from the cleanse is that I have lost three pounds already, which for me is HUGE right now :) WOHOO. Let's hope it will keep coming off. TBD.

Day One.

2009-10-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

today is day one of the liver detox. I am anything but excited. On my stovetop right now I have beans cooking and minestrone soup bubbling away. I am trying to stay positive.. but its hard when I cant put cheese in my soup. Geesh. Bring it on.

When life gives you beans make dip..

2009-10-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

So much has happened. Today was ANOTHER doctors apt. This time it was to get my test results from this last blood drawing. I think this has been the hardest visit yet. It is always draining for me to go and I know the rest of the day is going to be a wash. I come home just wanting to sleep the day away and not think about any of it. To some it might seem so trivial. I mean it is just some hormonal imbalance. But to people with it is life changing and can efect every aspect of your life if you allow it to. Today I was told that my T4 is low (thyroid) that my progesterone is really low (which makes Josiah even more of a miracle baby) and that I am insulin resistant and pre-diabetic. This I was NOT expecting to hear at all. I had always assumed I was insulin resistant but had never been tested for it. I dont know what I was thinking I would hear but it hit me like a ton of bricks. The last thing I want is to be diabetic. Especially at 23. My life is just beginning. I have heard a handful of doctors say that they would rather have cancer than diabetes. Lovely. I am also estrogen dominate so my body is wide open for cancers.
There is no doubt I have to get moving on this. We are seeing a medical doctor and also a Functional Medicine Doctor. They both a two completely different routes for me to take to get to the same end. We are now having to truly trust the Lord that he will give us peace with the direction we need to go. The doctor said I probably have 1-2 years before the diabetes would set in.
It amazes me how intricate the Lord created our hormones to be. If one little thing is off everything is thrown. I am ready for this journey to be over. I am ready to close this chapter and start my life with my husband and my baby. Poor Adam got the short end of the stick and was engaged to a completely different Allie then he is married to today. That breaks my heart.
I believe the Lord is teaching me to learn to be joyful in all things and in ALL situations. I dont want this to inhibit who he has created me to be. Its a hard lesson at times but I can see him working and that is exciting! Praise the Lord. He has never forsaken us and ALWAYS gives us the peace and direction we need WHEN we need it. No sooner and no later. He is good to us.
I start my liver detox on Saturday. This is going to be a true test on perseverance. There is a very strict diet to go along with it which includes beans and more beans. Did I mention I DO NOT like beans?! Maybe baked beans but that's it. Ugh.
When life gives you beans make dip.

2009-09-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

I hate coming home from long weekends. We had a WONDERFUL time in TN with my parents camping this weekend. Expect pictures soon. I have a problem of not being able to just upload snapshots anymore. Darn you Photoshop. I have to at least to SOMETHING to it. So because of that it takes me a little bit longer to get them up. so hmm what are some josiah updates.. he is truly a camping boy. He was so good and did great! We went on two different hikes and he just sat in his carrier and loved the changing scenery. He did pretty good in the car both ways but the last two hours he seemed to be telling is he was OVER IT. It was so great to get away and camp. Adam and I have never camped before and that was one thing we wanted to do this year. It was fabulous spending time with my parents, reading around the campfire, taking a nap on a blanket outside. the small things in life. if we would have brought a hammock it would have been true perfection minus the bugs. (I got distracted..back to josiah)..he is now rolling over both ways as well.. He had the one way down at 7 weeks and I have been waiting for the other way and he finally did it at 4 months! YAY. He is IN LOVE with his toes and could suck on the for days. He has become such a sweet content little boy. Now let me say though when he is hungry or tired its over. He will let you know. Life is getting a little easier. We are coming out of the new parent fog slowly. I have gone to the grocery store two times with him in the past month. Before I would wait until Adam came home so I could go and not be rushed by a screaming baby. Oh the small things you take for granted!

2009-09-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

first time in Michigan for mommy and Josiah.

first time in Jeans.. I have been waiting for this for 4 whole months.

first triathlon. it was a good experience.

catch up.

2009-08-31T13:12:00.000-07:00

I am awful at keeping this up to date. We have been keeping busy and the summer is flying by. To recap the past couple of weeks in one blog post will be difficult but I will do my best! At the beginning of August we went and spent a long weekend up in Michigan with Mary + Gus and the Clark's. It was so nice to get away and we enjoyed the beautiful front porch with wonderful rocking chairs and ceiling fans a little too much. It was so peaceful. We got back on Monday evening and the next day at 11 I was back on the road heading down to Asheville to spend some much needed time with Asher and my mom. It was so good to be with them and to get to love on my oh so wonderful Quinn and Asa!

After about a week down there I headed back up to finish my training for my first Sprint Triathlon. I was SO nervous and could not wait for it to be over. I had never done anything like this so it was nerve racking! The day of the race was great. I knew I would be better once I got in the water. Which that wasnt so true. I started freaking out once I got in the water and could not get into a groove for the life of me. It was a tad bit scary. Once I got out of the water I had never felt so tired after a swim!! It was all I could do to get to my transition area. Geesh. It was so nice to have it behind me but my working out has deff. slacked since then. I am trying to get up the energy to go tonite. We will see. After the race the next day we left for a quick trip to Ohio to visit adams family and go to Kings Island with our good friends and it was much needed. Just to get away for a night and have adult conversations and wake up when you want in the morning.. yes please. This Friday we will be heading back down to Tenn. to go camping with my folks for labor day and my dads birthday. Adam and I have never gone camping together and we have never taken Josiah so it will alot of fun! We are looking forward to it!

In our spare time we have been filling our time sadly with doctors appointments trying to get down to the bottom of what is going on with me and my hormones. November will be three years since it all started and we are getting weary, overwhelmed, inpatient and frustrated. We have been to five different doctors so far and ALL have said something different. SERIOUSLY?! We have three more appointments with three new doctors and so we are looking forward to some new perspective. I feel like we are getting closer to the answer and closer to closing this chapter in our lives. (at least thats my prayer) I have recently realized I am Insulin Resistant. Oh joy. This means I cant have carbs or any sugar.. my favorite things in life. I was still GAINING after I have Josiah and I was breast feeding. The one time in life you would think the weight would be dropping off. Not so. But ever since I truly buckled down I have lost 5 pounds! WOHOOO. That is a very big deal. Especially when I am working my butt off training and watching what I am eating like I have never done before.

Wow so I have just rambled on. I will hopefully get some images up from our outings soon. Check back in the next day or two.

3 month Photo Update.

2009-08-07T08:42:00.001-07:00

a month of firsts..

2009-07-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

This is a post of firsts..

his first baseball game..

his first ride in his daddy's jeep..

with his blankie his auntie asher gave him..

his first fourth of july parade..

this is what I found when I came in one morning..

he is not a morning person like his mother..

and he loves his thumb.

time flys.

2009-07-07T07:33:00.000-07:00

10 weeks.

this is him being Quinn's baby doll

Wow it's been awhile. Life with an 11 week old is crazy. We are falling into a semi routine now though and life is getting a lot better. I am getting over the shock of being a new mommy and accepting that life will never be the same. Each new day I am falling even more in love with him and he he growing like crazy! At his last 2 month apt. he weighed in @ 11 11 and 24 1/2 inches long. He is now up to eating about 6 ounce almost every meal and he could eat more if we let him. Just imagine how much he will eat when he's a teenager!! AHHHH. I better get a job. He is now rolling over from his belly to back back a lot and now especially in bed and then he will cry because he doesn't know what he just did and he wants to be back on his belly. Last week he also started sucking his thumb while laying down. He does it sometimes while being held but he hasn't figured out how to get it in his mouth as easy. His new love is his bumbo and he will sit in that and just look around and it is a life saver! He is getting so strong and I would not be surprised if he started crawling sooner than later. You will put him at one end of his bed and by the morning he is jammed up in the complete opposite side. We had to go buy a mesh bumper so I wouldn't have to keep waking up every couple hours to move him back to the middle.

We just shot our second wedding of the season this past weekend and it has been a challenge to get all the post production work done and out of the way like I once did. I now have to have a better schedule and I can really only do it when he's sleeping.. but needless to say it has been fun getting back into photography again and Adam and I have completely enjoyed having something we can go do together.

Last week I got back from my dad's retirement down in Jacksonville and it was so much fun and some good times with the family. Josiah got to meet his cousins for the first time and Quinn adored him and it was adorable to watch her loving on him. She treated him like a doll and it was so cute. We were also there over Asher's birthday which we had figured out we hadn't all been together for since she was 17!!! That is one year shy from being a decade... man where does the time go?! We ended up going to a great italian place with live karaoke music which was so bad all you could do was join in and laugh. Maybe I could get a job there?!

Well I am sure my son will be getting up anytime soon. He has been a WONDERFUL sleeper (expect for the week I was without adam in jacksonville, of course) and I cannot complain. I am holding my breath hoping it wont end. He will typically do a 12-13 hour stretch a night! Hallelujah.

2009-06-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

I have just a quick min. but today Josiah rolled over from his tummy onto his back AND he rubbed his eyes for the first time when he was tired! Oh the small things you rejoice in as a parent :)

2009-06-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

Any ideas for a screaming crying baby?! I'm going CRAZY!

Some pictures to pass the time..

2009-06-03T17:21:00.000-07:00

2009-06-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

wow is it hard to blog when you have a new baby! Every time I try he demands my immediate attention.. of course. He has turned into a little divo. Today he has decided he will not be put down without a fuss and a fuss he sure makes. He has screamed so hard he is now loosing his voice. It's so sad. We have had a rough couple of weeks. He wonderfully has been sleeping nine hours at night which I LOVE but as soon as day comes he is a whole new baby and will hardly sleep. What fun. He is getting so big and to me doesnt really look like a six week old. This past week I saw him give me a couple real smiles at me and it was fabulous!! It made my day!

On a side note a couple friends and I are starting to train for a triathlon. I will be good to have something to work towards. I hope to keep it up and do some other races as well. Thats my goal but we will see :) As it is right now Josiah doesnt like the stroller so our walks thus far have been well lets say spirited!! He is not one to cry himself to sleep or give up. I hope to have some time to download some images soon. Keep an eye out!

Still alive and kicking...I promise.

2009-05-20T15:34:00.001-07:00

Image by: Joni Streit
So Josiah had his 1 month apt. today. As soon as we got into the apt. Mary was holding him and he started DRIPPING green poop down his leg and onto marys cloths. It was VERY entertaining and disgusting all at the same time! It was something to make his dad proud. He is now 10.12 and growing strong. He has quickly grown into his own personality and he clearly knows what he wants in life. It is amazing how strong he is and how well he can hold his head up, it blows my mind. But yet with as much as he eats it shouldn't surprise me. We have to cut him off most the time because he would easily eat 6 ounces each time if we let him.. he takes after his mother.
Our days have been filled with feedings, changings and more feedings. I cant believe how quickly the days fly by and yet I feel like we have done nothing!
I am hoping to have a mini photo session with him soon to mark his 1 month birthday and I will post those shortly after. I have been terrible at downloading and posting images. Hopefully I will get better at this!
This is not the best post today but this is as good as I can muster up at this point! Enjoy.

2009-05-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

JOSIAH BRADLEY BRYAN

APRIL 21, 2009

7:29 PM

8 POUNDS 6.6 OUNCES

22 INCHES

I love it in the day when he is sleeping restfully in his moses basket next to me and I have a couple min. to just sit and rest. Now dont get me wrong I love holding him and taking care of him but the quite moments throughout the day is something I miss. I want to get into a better habit of sitting down and blogging and journaling about what has been going on and what he has been up to. I think I will regret it further down the line if I don't. Today we had some photographer friends come over and attempt to grab some newborn shots of him but as usual you cannot plan out what a baby will do. He fussed the whole time they were here and then as son as they left he conked out and has been sleeping ever since! There is a reason you are supposed to do a newborn shoot within two weeks. Oh well. Luckily while my family was here my dad and asher got some great shots.

It has been great getting into somewhat of a routine with him and bringing into our family. He is so sweet and precious and we are both so in love with him. It was hard at first when my mom left after being here for three weeks because she was such a HUGE help. I don't think I have missed her so much ever. She was wonderful at taking him at night for us which was a life saver and she just has so much knowledge and wisdom when it comes to being a mom. I wish I lived near them and now having a baby it makes me want to even more! It was also WONDERFUL to have Asher here for a week. She came up alone and I had a great time soaking up her full attention! It was great :) The first day after everyone was gone was needless to say rough. I was all of a sudden left with this little boy and all the hormones in the world and I had no clue how to deal with them.

Adam and I are still trying to figure out this whole working on little or no sleep and hopefully it will come but I am proud to say that I have stayed away from coffee and caffeine since he was born. Go me.

Our sweet friend Amanda was wonderful enough to give up her day while I was in labor to come down and photograph the delivery. I am SO THANKFUL for her doing this. The images she got are priceless and so special to me. Here are a few.

FINALLY!

2009-05-06T13:56:00.001-07:00

Our little boy is here! I am sitting in the NICU right now staring at his sweet little self. I never imagined I could love a child this much. Just the sight of him makes me teary eyed. He is precious.

Monday morning was the beginning of it all. I was having some very mild cramps and didn't really think anything if it. I worked on some photography and then we had an OB apt. to do a stress test and have an ultrasound to make sure everything looked good. While we were in the room for the stress test we were actually able to see that I was having VERY mini contractions. Everything checked out to be fine with the tests and we were sent home to wait. The longer the day went on the more we were realizing this was it. (though I was in denial for a long time) Around 2 that morning we headed to the hospital and were checked in. When the nurse asked me to rate my pain from 1-10 I had the nerve to say it was a 7, little did I know!! Yea I would say it was more like a 2, if that.

I labored all night and into the day. Around 24 hours of labor I gave in and decided to have my water broke. It was the best decision I made. Two hours later I was pushing and he was born. Luckily for me I only pushed 15 min. and there he was! I still haven't had a chance to watch the video of the birth but I have been told it was intense. I am thankful that I was too focused on getting him out. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through and I cannot imagine going through it again at this point. Adam was AMAZING at coaching me, loving me, comforting me and just being my support. I knew he would be great but he met and exceeded my expectations. I could not have done it without him. All in all labor lasted for 26 long hours an I was worn out by the end. They had to quickly rush him up to the NICU because they thought he had broken his collar bone and he had also ingested some maconium (how do you spell that?!) and so I wasnt able to hold him right away which was sad but he was worth the wait.

I cannot believe how long it took for me to post this. I will try to do better and I am hoping to get some pictures up as well. Life has been so chaotic and we are trying to get back into the swing of things!

the BIG 39.

2009-04-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

Well I am 39 weeks and waiting. I have my bags packed and the babies stuff is already in the car awaiting a little one. My mom came in on Thursday and we have been going full steam since then. Yesterday we spent all day shopping and walking and today we gardened all day. I can officially say I am WORN out and will not be moving from this chair for the rest of the night. The baby better not come tonight because I don't think I would have any energy to get him out. I might just sleep through it all :) Wouldn't that be nice?! He is still growing strong and I don't know where else he can go so I think it would be good for him to come maybe Monday.. just after Easter and I will have a day to rest and take it easy.

I will try to keep this updated as best as possible and HOPEFULLY the next time I get around to posting it will be saying we have a baby boy. Watch it be another two or three weeks! AHHH.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

It is just amazing how much a toll being pregnant can take on one's body. I am now completely uncomfortable all the time. It is to the point when I TRY to get off the couch I literally feel like I am 90 years old. My knees KILL me while doing it and I am always pushing on Adam or asking him to push me and give me a boost! Geesh. I have now lost all ability to use my ab muscles to get up while in the lying position.... all of these things just make me feel more pregnant. I am ready for him to come but yet selfishly I do love my quite time and I am soaking it in. I WILL miss that. Doesn't everyone?!

I am SO ready to learn what a mothers love is.

Bring it on.

2009-03-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

I found this fabulous blog yesterday and this was on one of her posts.. so I thought I would answer these myself and see what I come up with... it is such a good thing to ponder on and know the answers to.

In the last five years, can you think of just five ways God has distinctly answered you?

For me… hmmm…

1. He has brought me through a complete turn around in my life. Now granted five years ago I was freshly graduated (yes, it's true) but I feel like a lifetime has happened. I was actually just moving up to Indiana for the first time and would be starting my journey of single adulthood..

2. He has refined my friendships. He has taught me grace and in turn I am STILL learning grace toward others. Not an easy thing to pick up and act out everyday.

3. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband at a time when I didn't deserve any such thing. He knew he would do wonders to my soul. He has blessed me with a husband that is a leader spiritually, a provider, a friend and someone who will not let me just sit and let the world pass me by.. and last but not least a man that will sit and cry out to the Lord with me when need be. That has been a prayer of my heart since I was a young girl.

4. He is teaching me what a women of God is and what a Godly wife looks like. I am still learning but I don't feel stale in this area and I feel he has heard my cries to want to TRUELY understand and get it, not just get by.

5. and last he IS answering my cries and prayers to heal my body and every test result I get back proves he has listened, cared and knows my heart.

What are just five smile-causing, heart-cheering, soul-breathing-a-sigh-of-relief moments you’ve had just this last week?

1. Playing Cranium with Adam and some good friends.

2. Hearing my babies heartbeat.

3. Packing my babies bag for when we come home from the hospital.

4. Cuddling with Adam.

5.Eating a wonderful plum.. simplicity.

What are just five utterly ridiculous things that just make you happy?

1. Opening the windows are a warm day.

2. When people laugh heartily at my jokes. (this is one she wrote but I would have to second that!)

3. Watching home videos from growing up.

4. A good meal..with white wine.. yum.

5. a good conversation with Adam.

Why not be extravagantly appreciative?

Take the time…just for you…just for Him…just for five.

37 weeks & Waiting...

2009-03-26T14:04:00.000-07:00

(Asher took this while she was here visiting.. 35 weeks.)

I cannot believe tomorrow I will be 37 weeks! In a way it has flown by and in another way it has taken forever to get here! I am getting anxious/excited for the delivery but not before I get all my little 'projects' around the house done.. of course. I am still in need of packing the babies bag and mine as well. I am not convinced I will be needing it anytime soon seeing that there was absolutely NO dilation when I was at the OB's on Tuesday. From here on out it is such a mind game and trying to keep yourself convinced you are not going to go early. I thought I had done a good job of this until the OB said there was nothing going on and I felt a little saddened. Something I didn't expect.

So I am keeping myself as busy as my body will let me and I am making myself enjoy this childless time, because it will never be like this again.

Here is a list of the things I am enjoying in this stage of life...

Sleeping in and laying in bed until I want to (though this doesnt happen very often because as soon as Zeke hears me move he is ready for me to get up and pay attention to him)
Taking a nap in the middle of the day without having to listen for a crying baby (it makes it difficult to do this though when Zeke demands to be petted and loved on or else... do you see a running theme?)
Enjoying my evenings on the couch with Adam and not having to share him with anyone (well expect for Zeke, sometimes we fight over him..)

Okay so yes, my dog plays a huge part in our lives and I have no clue how this is going to turn out with an added baby! I told Adam the other day that we needed to have a new toy for Zeke when we come home from the hospital and he looked at me like I had a third eye.. am I crazy?! I thought that is what you did.. no?!

As I have been typing I have almost finished a bowl of fresh watermelon that my mother in law sent over.. opps I was going to share it with Adam. It was the baby not me.

2009-03-23T14:43:00.001-07:00

NEW CRAVINGS: Ice Tea.. I think it makes me feel like warmer weather is right around the corner.. and plumbs (from costco) They are AMAZING!

I cannot believe that I am almost to our due date. I am getting anxious about the delivery and how it will be.. I just want to get it started and over with! I think the thing that makes me the most nervous is I don't know when its going to happen and what if I'm in Costco and my water breaks and I'm standing there soaked?!! I would be mortified!

My imagination can go wild if I let it.

I am just trying to enjoy the time I have with just Adam before the little boy comes. As much as I am excited for him to be here and for us to be a family I am sad that I am going to have to share Adam at times.

Dear Baby,

2009-03-19T13:06:00.001-07:00

Please stop pushing on my nerve. I cant feel half my belly now and it is very uncomfortable. I am ready for my body to be MINE again and to be able to hold you in the outside world :)

Love,

And so it is...

2009-03-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

this was a card from a couple at our church! SO creative :)

WOW! I cannot believe it has taken me this long to post some images I took FOREVER ago! These are some gifts we got at the first baby shower and they were too cute and/or creative not to show the world! I also added in some images from the nursery.. it still has alot of work to be done and hopefully when it is there can get a full nursery shot. Thats my plan.

I am deff. ready for this baby to come but I am having no expectations with when it will happen. My luck I would do that and then it would come weeks after! My body is letting me know daily that it is coming quickly and I dont appreciate it one bit. It is amazing how many breaks I have to make myself take when cleaning the house these days.. it takes me forever. I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed with what I need to get done before he comes. This is all for now. My brain is already tired along with my feet, back, neck and hand (yes I said hands... they have been killing me lately!) and it is only 10:20 am. This is going to be a great day. At least the sun is out and I can hear laundry in the dryer. (that sound makes me feel productive)

take note.

2009-03-07T13:57:00.000-08:00

I cannot wait to experience the unconditional love for a child that only a parent can understand. I was thinking the other night about how I am such a sucker for Zeke and he is just our dog. But then I was thinking how much more am I going to love my own child that I have created and carried. It is going to blow my mind. I know he is going to have his mommy wrapped around his finger! I am so overwhelmed with the mere thought that we are in charge of raising this child to become a man of God, someone who knows how to love Him with his whole heart, to love and respect women the way that the Lord calls him to, to pursue and desire the Lord and to be someone who others love, respect and want to be around.

Where do you start?! What kind of a parent am I going to be? I have all of these preconceived notions of how I am going to be and how I am going to react in situations but until you are put in that situation you don't really know your reaction. Am I going to be a push over? Am I going to be too harsh? I desire for him to grow up and to know that we did the best we could do and that we ALWAYS had his best interest at heart.

I wonder what he looks like.. what characteristics will he have from each of us? Will his hair be thick or thin? Will he have my nose or Adam's.. my smile of his? I am anticipating the moment I get to hold him and we will be a family not a couple. What settles my mind when all this goes through it is knowing that I am doing this with Adam. He is going to be such an amazing dad. He is going to be wonderful in instilling the principles and life lessons in a way that will stick with our children and he makes me feel more confident that we are going to raise wonderful children (at least in our eyes!) I cannot wait to start this journey with him.

I know it will have its bumps (seeing we already disagree at times with how to discipline Zeke.. funny, I know) but the other mountains are going to be wonderful and the valleys will hopefully, Lord willing shallow enough we will get through them unharmed!

These are just a few thoughts of a soon to be mom.. ready for her boy to be born :)

2009-03-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

Man, I cannot believe how long its been since I posted on here! I didnt think it had been this long until I read the date of the last post. Today I have come down with the 24 hour bug Adam had a couple days ago.. what fun. I wanted to start this week off being productive but I think that is going to have to wait.

This past friday we had our first baby shower and it was WONDERFUL. It made Adam and I finally feel like oh this is happening and he is going to be here soon! The people at our church are so generous and we were blessed with so much of what we need. I spent the weekend putting it all away and finding places for all his new stuff. I am going to take some pictures of some of the gifts we were given. Not only are our friends generous but they are VERY creative.

I cannot believe Asher and my mom are going to be up here in a week from tomorrow! I am so excited to see them and the kids and it is just one more milestone we will cross before baby boy can come!

The little boy is growing everyday and I am ready to get him out of here! I am starting to sound like a crazy women when I am talking and all of a sudden I yell "ouch" mid-sentence. I am deff. ready to have my body back.. thats for sure.

It is very cool to be laying down and watch my stomach move and know that it is because of him.

I will hopefully get some images posted soon.. until then happy monday!

I ran across this today and it brought tears to my eyes.. its everything and more I wished I could put into words. That is not one of my giftings though.

A Mark, a scar, an imperfection. A flaw

My body,my temple, I thought I would always have it all

The smooth skin not a blemish to be seen

I was perfection, what’s happening?

Does this new road map on my body define me?

I shouted, I screamed, I refused to think this is how it would be.

I bought creams, and gadgets, and scientific experiments

Low and behold after hundred of dollars my stretch marks were still bold

And it hit me like a ton of bricks

I am not my skin, that I live within

These marks define me not

I stand naked in my flawed perfection gazing at my reflection

I am still me, with a few additions to see

I am perfectly stretch marked and happy to be.

-Cassie L. 10/02/2008

Calling all Moms!

2009-02-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

I am in need of music ideas to create my birthing playlist.. I have some ideas but it is an overwhelming task :) I know with my personality I am going to want and need good music to keep a relaxed atmosphere. If you could email me or leave a comment with either a good artist or song I should look into that would be wonderful!! Thank you so much :)

I will leave you with an image of our little boy.

Test Results.

2009-02-10T07:46:00.001-08:00

I am in the clear! I received a call last night saying I passed my test with flying colors :) This is such a blessing and I have to praise the Lord! I continue to pray this means he is bringing healing to my hormones through this. It is just another example and I love it.

I am hoping to post some more pictures today.. we will see. Check back :)

Just an FYI I have made three more batches of peanut butter balls since my last post about the first batch.. oops. Can you say craving?!

Test Update.

2009-02-05T17:24:00.000-08:00

I got the call today saying I was TWO points over my test so I am heading back in tomorrow morning for the THREE hour test.. oh boy. I can't wait. Hopefully all comes back normal. I have a good book and all the time in the world so I am ready.

2009-02-03T10:26:00.000-08:00

Here is an image taken at a friends house I think at around 28 weeks again. I will get a new updated one soon!

Yesterday was the day of the dreaded glucose screening.. we ended up being at the doctors for over an hour and a half. Way too long if you ask me! It was all I could do downing the way too sugary drink as I prayed I didn't throw up. Not fun at all. I find out today what the results are and I am anxious for that. I do not want to have to come back in.. but hey.

We also had my apt. during that time and I was told that my belly was very full. She was trying to find a soft spot in my uterus to show me something and it was all she could do to find one.. great.I have a feeling he is going to be a big one. It was cool though because she was able to find his head and let us feel it! He pretty much has his butt facing down right now with his head way too close to my ribs.. very uncomfortable!

I will keep you up to date but for now thats all my news.

Off to Costco and attempt to spend no more than $50. there! We will see how good I am :)

at last...

2009-01-28T18:29:00.001-08:00

here is my 28 1/2 week photo. I am terrible at remembering to take these.

this one is for my dad.. don't you miss the snow dad?!!

I finally got my peanut butter balls made.. and they are FABULOUS!

2009-01-28T12:32:00.000-08:00

I am so frustrated right now.. I have been CRAVING Peanut Butter Balls with chocolate chips in them for a week now. I have been really good at not making them (and I didn't have the chocolate chips..) so today I headed out to the grocery store to get the beloved chocolate chips to at last make them!

Long story short I just got home and started pulling out what I need and I found out I don't have the honey... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! I am not online searching for a new recipe where I don't have to use honey. I am desperate and annoyed. I even had honey in my hand today and thought no, we have enough. The joys of pregnancy cravings!

I will let you know how this disaster turns out.

TODAY...

2009-01-19T13:23:00.000-08:00

I worked out!!!!! What?! I went to the gym and was on the elliptical for 45 min. I NEVER do that. If anything I make myself stay on for 30 min. and that is a stretch. I know I am going to be sore tomorrow from the lunges and weights as well. ouch. But at least I went. I have been working hard on the babies room (again..) today so hopefully I will get some more images posted soon. I also am in terrible need of a new belly pic. I always think of it in the morning and then forget quickly until I am crawling into bed looking tired and awful and then I am not in the mood to be in front of the camera...

anyways I am off to finish my projects before Adam gets home.

Enjoy the Sun!

just the beginning..

2009-01-16T10:18:00.000-08:00

..some frames I found at a garage sale last summer that I painted.

So here are the images.. these are just snippets of the nursery. When it gets closer to being done I will get some more images up!

ENJOY.