SERIOUSLY?
This week has been rough to say the least. I am worn out from our journey with all the hormones, doctors, supplements, shakes, organic food and anything else. This week Adam and I have been having an ongoing conversation about gratefulness and how hard it can be to be thankful all the time. I have found myself more this week having a hard time being truly thankful. I KNOW I have a lot to be thankful for but it can be so cloudy sometimes. The enemy has a clever way of distorting things and whispering lies to me. I have had a hard time discerning my thoughts and a hard time NOT believing the lies. How frustrating is that?!! Adam and I talked last night how we need to stand on the promises of God and KNOW not just in our heads but in our hearts he is GOOD. I have been believing lately the lies that maybe he is doing all of this because he is punishing me or to test how far he can mess with me. I know this is not of God and that is not the heart of him but when you lie in a world where everyone likes to find someone to blame for something it is easy to blame it on him. Or the mentality that well if HE is the true physician and the healer why is he choosing not to heal me?! That has been a difficult question and Adam and I both believe that if he did, that if I woke up one day 45 pounds lighter, free of insulin resistance and had normal levels of hormones I wouldnt learn what he is trying to teach me in all of this.
The issue is I DONT KNOW what he is trying to teach me yet. So if I dont even know HOW can I learn. Oh geesh. Where are the days of my biggest problem was a boy I liked didnt notice me?????!!!!
I have to keep trucking along. I have to keep telling myself that God is GOOD. I have to keep my hope alive and not give up. I need to have renewed patience with this journey. This month marks 2 1/2 years of this journey. When will I be able to close this chapter? To be able to look back and say "oh remember when....?"
One day.. until then I'll take one day at a time.
3 comments:
Oh Allie--I am right there with you. Maybe not dealing with the health issues (though I am having blood pressure problems for some reason) but the same question and learning what it means to stand on God's promises even though I feel He is so far away or not answering the way I want him too. Praying for you guys and can't wait to see ya in a week!
Love ya...
Just last night, we were talking about perseverance in our bible study. I feel like God's been teaching me the importance of persevering for some time. "because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
I think you're absolutely right that we have to go through difficulties to learn what God's teaching us. By going through trials, God builds character in our hearts through perseverance. And thus, we have hope of something greater. Our hope is not in us, but in Christ. He is good and He is bigger than our circumstances. Thank you for sharing and being real. I think it's character to go through a trial "the right way"... by being thankful, etc. But it certainly isn't easy. love, e
thank you both for your words of encouragement. its very loved :)
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