a battle is raging..

So I mentioned a blog a couple posts ago that I haven fallen in love with.  Well tonight I was reading it once again and it is such a blessing to me.  It is interesting that in almost all of her posts they have answered or cleared up questions/things I have been wrestling with.  I believe God has a wonderful way of guiding us, answering us through others and Im so thankful.
One of the things I have been really dealing with is the idea of God healing me of my hormone imbalances without any outside help of the doctors. Its not that I think doctors are bad or wrong but we have been down that path at the beginning of this whole journey and the further we went the more we didn't have peace with it. It also didn't help that they were not really getting us anywhere.
I have made two appointments with a new doctor to talk about getting on bio-denticals to somewhat "end" this and each time I have canceled the day before because of complete unrest with the idea.  For me I came down to the conclusion I would be doing it out of fear of my future of I didnt get my hormones balanced and complete weariness of this situation.  I am learning that is never a good reason to do anything and though it might not be the quick fix, I will depend on the Lord.
Its funny how the Lord will work.  I went through a crazy 'high' time when it seemed like he was constantly surprising me, inspiring me, teaching me and reassuring me that I was on the right track.  Not so much right now.  I know he is just as present but sometimes I question what is purpose is for all of this.  Is his will to heal me or do I need to surrender that idea and bury that hope.  That is where I get stuck these days.  I am sensing he wants me to surrender this all to him and trust that even is I am never healed there is still a purpose AND TO BE OKAY WITH IT.
 I have to be completely honest, the idea of surrendering it to him freaks me out!  My hormones have been getting worse and I am feeling less like myself again.  That is SO discouraging!! I mean I am 24 and I think I am having more hot flashes than my mom these days.  Im not supposed to know what one of those feels like for another 10 years!
His ways are better than I can imagine and so I will continue to trust him.  I thought this was so good what Amy wrote on her blog and thought it was interesting..

In time He gave me greater revelation about the vision I’d had with the dark figure.  Nestled within it was an important message – the sickness was NOT from God, as though an affliction to be submissively carried with God’s sovereignty in mind.   The sickness was a plan from the enemy.  And if I wanted to see the mighty hand of God move, I “had to know who God was, I had to know His promises.” There was a battle to be won.  And just like in the vision, I had to stand firm!!  So instead of dwelling on theological arguments about healing and hearsay of other’s experiences, I decided to go straight to the Bible and just believe what it said.  This is just a sampling of what I found.

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.  Luke 10:19

If you will listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in his sight, obeying his commands and keeping all his decrees, then I will not make you suffer any of the diseases I sent on the Egyptians; for I am the LORD who heals you. Exodus 15:26

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.  But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:4

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases.  Psalm 103:3

Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.  In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone.  You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.  Psalm 91:9-13

Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  James 4:7

And these signs shall follow them that believe; in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents, and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover.  Mark 16:17,18

Okay well I think I have rambled enough and ho knows if anything even makes sense. (one reason it is not good to write at night) I will be getting up at 2:30 this morning to head to the airport.. 

yes, thats right.  adam and I will be leaving for Jamaica and I am DEVASTATED to leave Josiah.  I dont know what to do with myself. I miss him already.  Have a great week and I will be back next week!!