such a tease.

here is a teaser from the shoot.. this is as far as I have gotten.


ISAIAH LAMONT BRYAN
APRIL 30, 2011
11:10 PM
8 POUNDS 4 OUNCES
21 1/2 INCHES LONG

what I know now..

I was thinking the other day about all the Lord has taught me after my long 4 1/2 year journey Adam and I have been on and I thought it was important to speak it.

What I know now is that the Lord is faithful.
The Lord is gracious.  He is gracious to all my mistakes and I can rest in that.
The Lord loves ME.  This was one lesson he really worked on me with.  For so long I was so works centered and didn't understand how I deserved his great love when I wasn't reading my Bible everyday or doing hour long Bible studies.  He loves me just as much when Im sitting on the couch watching TV as he does when Im worshiping him in the shower.  He loves me NO MATTER what.  What a relief to know it, believe it and trust it.
The Lord is trustworthy.  This was a huge lesson I had to learn.  I never REALLY had to trust the Lord before.  I always "trusted" Him but during this journey I had to. There were many decisions Adam and I made with my health that didn't make sense in our worldly view, but we trusted that it was his leading and he knew WAY better than we ever will.  Praise Him for that!
The Lord cares about me.  This goes along with Him loving me but when I think of Him caring for me I think about His arms around me when Im balling my eyes out, I think about Him crying next to me and looking me in the eyes and feeling my pain.  That has been such a comfort when I felt like no one understood my situation.
The Lord is GOOD.  I learned that He is not out to punish me, hurt me, or just watch me struggle.  He has a purpose for all and that He was allowing me to be put through this a reason and for His good.
The Lords voice.  I am still learning this one but I have had to distinguish His voice from the enemies.  The enemy did and is still trying to destroy what the Lord has done by trying to make me believe his lies.  He makes me so mad.


I have seen so much fruit from my journey.  It has been difficult to say the least, wearisome, lonely at times, depressing, and just plain annoying.  BUT if I hadn't gone through it all I would not have learned forgiveness, compassion, endurance and patience.  I cringe saying it but I would go through it all again to get where I am today.  Lets hope thats not the case.

He has been so faithful to us and a huge example is Isaiah's birth.
If you read in the last post I was a complete mess when it came to going to get induced with him.  The morning of the induction I woke up at 5 and could not for the life of me go back to sleep.  I was shaken with way too much adrenaline.  We had Grandpa Mayes funeral, which was way too emotional, beautiful and special, that morning.  Right after his burial we headed to the hospital.  About 3 o'clock I was given half a dose of cervadil (sp?) By 5 o'clock I was stating to feel slight contractions but they really were light and I could have labored like that all day.  Asher flew in that afternoon and so she was able to come straight to the hospital and help calm my nerves :)
About 9:30 pm we decided to break my water because I was still progressing but it was still pretty easy.  Within 10 minutes of having my water broke things intensified by 10.  I was immediately discouraged by the pain and knowing how long I was in labor the Josiah I didn't think I could get through it naturally again.  It was too much.  I seriously thought about getting an epidural but I could not have even sat up to get it if I wanted one so I was stuck doing it naturally again.  The one thing that got me through each contraction was picturing going in to Josiah's room in the morning and him saying "hi, mommy".  Its my favorite part of the getting him :)  It helped to remember what I was doing this for.
A little bit before 11pm I was ready to push and the first time they checked me I was still at 7, talk about ANNOYING!  By 11 though I knew there was no holding him him so THANK THE LORD I had progressed to 10.  When the pushing started a huge fear came over me because now was the time we were going to find out if he was going to get stuck or not.  I think I pushed during two contractions and he popped right out and was born at 11:10pm.  Dr. Box said that his little hand was right up next to his face and all she had to do was grab it and he came out perfectly.  She also told my mom that she had been praying all day that he would have a hand up.  Praise the Lord!  It was such a testimony to our prayers throughout the pregnancy.  
I was able to hold him right away and that was an amazing feeling.  He ended up being smaller than the doctors were thinking.  I was so overwhelmed after his birth that I couldn't help but raise my hands and just praise the Lord.  I just kept saying thank you, Lord, thank you.  He is so good.
I am thrilled to have it all over with and I feel so loved by the Lord that he allowed it to go so smoothly!   I mean I went from having a 26 hour labor to a 7 hour labor where I only really "labored" for an hour and a half!  WHAT?!  Yes please.
Wow so I am apparently long winded today.  Forgive me.

I will be uploading images from our little shoot soon.  I just need time to edit them :)

pretty much I am a nervous wreak.  I wake up with butterflies throughout my whole body.  To know how to make them go away would be fabulous.  I was not this nervous with Josiah and I can tell you I DO NOT like knowing the day I am going into labor.  Not a fan.  

I just keep trying to talk positively to myself and it has been a good lesson in trusting the Lord even in the case of my labor.  He is in control.  

I cannot wait to meet this sweet one.  

well it looks like the time has come..

Saturday at 2 Adam and I will be going into the hospital to be induced.  I hate that word.  It makes my teeth hurt.  

Here is the back story.  With Josiah's delivery he got really stuck while I was pushing and if I had not gotten him out with the last push she was either going to have to break his collar bone to see if that helped or we would have had to do an emergency c-section.  

The Lord was good and he gave me the strength and Josiah the right position to get him out in time.  SO because of this my OB is concerned with this one getting stuck.  We have been very leery at trying to induce out of the fear he COULD get stuck so we have been waiting and didn't want to make any decisions.  Well we went in yesterday to do a weight ultra sound and it looks like this little one is close to 8 11 so far.  Josiah was 8 6.6 so he is trying to pass his brother up already!  Needless to say Adam and I have an odd peace about this, so we will go in and trust the Lord will allow this baby to come healthy, strong and will not get stuck.

We have a wonderful doula that will be with us during this and I dont think either of us would want to go down this path if we didnt have her to back us, support us and keep the nurses at bay :)

I am definitely more anxious about this labor than I was with Josiah.  I still had the naiveness of not knowing the pain your body can actually go through.  This time I am dreading it.  I am just ready to get it going so I cant think about it anymore.  I want to hold this little one in my arms and move onto the next stage. (though I dont want to give my sleep up, of course)

things Josiah loves.

josiah is in love with fixing things with daddy.  If you tell him something is broken he automatically says "daddy"!

another thing he loves is his cars.  his thing is to line them up on this table.  He is very methodical about it.

 so this was the first time I had taken him out in the snow.  sad, I know.  Needless to say he wasn't sure what to think about it.

 and he REALLY didnt like it when he fell down and got snow on his hands.. heaven forbid.  he was done.

 I think he could play outside all day with no toys and be very content.  it makes my heart melt watching him out there.

 once again "copying" daddy with his tools.

 and he LOVES his vacuum.

 he could have us do this all day too...

 Are you kidding me with that face?!!!!

my sweet Josiah.

you are going to be two this month and I am blown away.  I think I tell daddy everyday how I don't want you to get bigger and grow up.  I love you just as you are.  

You have been waking up some during the night and if I go in I will find you have gathered your blanket and EE and you say 'rock rock' and point to the rocker.  You love rocking, I think its your first stand of procrastination.  

You loving singing 'mamama' and 'daddy'  over and over.  No sounds have ever been so sweet.  I remember when all I wanted was to hear you say my name, and now I get it sung to me.  This week you have just started sleeping with a big boy pillow and it is the cutest thing ever.  I will just stare at you in the monitor and gush over you.  

You now love holding my hand as well.  Mostly when we are driving in the car but you will want to hold my hand sometimes when I am putting you down at night. How can you deny that?  Its adorable.  On top of that you also love having your back and tummy rubbed when being snuggled.  It melts my heart.

Anytime you get into daddy's truck you always want to drive it.  He will put you in his lap and let you 'steer' while we are in a parking lot and you just laugh and squeal.  It is such a wonderful sound.  

I am so excited for the summer to come when we can get in the Jeep because that is another new obsession of yours.  As soon as daddy comes home you always ask him about his 'beep'.  We will be driving down the street and anytime you see a jeep you will yell 'beep!'  I cant believe you can distinguish them.  

I am so excited for yet another year with you.  Our world will be turned upside down in a month with your new brother.  You are going to be so loving to him and I cant wait to see you two playing in the backyard together!! 

You will always be my first born and my little boy.  

no poo.

Yesterday I came home from Asheville and I think I am fighting a chest cold.  I needed to go grocery shopping today, BUT because I am feeling too bad I got online to make my menu instead.
Well I definitely get sucked into health blogs, which is what happened today.  It makes me want to start eating raw, organic and totally healthy. Here is the problem, most of the recipes look so gross.  I am not into beans, lentils, oh or chocolate chip hummus, (supposed to substitute cookie dough, yea right)

Anyways, I did run across a post that struck my fancy AND I think I could try it.  I think I am going to try it and hopefully all goes well :)

Check it out on Nourishing Flourishing about no poo. (doesn't that make you want to go check it out?!)

I also found this that made me think about the way I grocery shop.  Not sure how I am going to make it work for us.. but good info.  

Oh and I havent forgotten about pictures of the house.  I need to get them taken, thats on my list of things to do this week.  So hopefully I will get better soon and I can get off the couch. :)